A Long Overdue Return

Hello readers!

After a longer than anticipated hiatus, The Quarterlife Rules will be returning on a regular basis starting in the New Year!!

I have some exciting ideas I hope to roll out in 2012, including a new look for the site and some other extras.

Thank you, as always, for your loyal readership and I look forward to the exciting year ahead!

Rule #20: Follow Your Passion

One of the main reasons that many twentysomethings tend to develop a feeling of being “stuck” in their Quarterlife years is because they don’t feel a sense of passion about what they’re doing with their lives and the direction they’re heading.  A lot of us enter the “real world” with grand dreams of ultimate success and happiness and a positive expectation about our careers and lives ahead of us, yet it’s very common to ultimately experience a sense of disillusionment when we don’t reach a place of fulfillment with what we’re doing or where we’re going.  Regarding many aspects of life, It’s common to hear many twentysomethings say “I just want to find something I’m truly passionate about,” yet they don’t know where to start looking.  Fortunately, there are countless ways to find and pursue everything that you are passionate about, and all it takes is a bit of courage and dedication to take the steps to follow what’s in your heart. Finding what you are truly passionate about can be a real challenge, but not a challenge that’s impossible to overcome.  Sometimes fully pursuing your passion is seen as a negative thing, since many young and idealistic people are told that it’s often not practical.  It’s common for many twentysomethings to be told that taking care of the sensible realities of life should be a priority.  Meaning, pay the bills first and then hopefully you can have the opportunity and freedom to follow your dreams.  While the realities of this are sometimes unavoidable, what better time to at least explore your opportunities and passions than when you’re in your twenties? With enough determination and patience, you can gain the courage to pursue all of your hopes and dreams and passions, no matter how big or small they may be.

Every person can find something they're passionate about.  Something that gets them excited, breathless and makes their heart pound.  Whether it exists in their current lives or not, everyone is looking for something that gets them anxious to get out of bed in the morning.  It can be a job, a goal, a hobby, an area of expertise, or maybe another person in their lives or even a pet.  There are many things in life to be passionate about, and the first step in finding what they are for you is to use your heart and imagination to help you acknowledge your dreams.  Start thinking big, and then you can work your way down to find smaller and more practical ways to pursue those dreams.  A good first question to ask yourself is “If I didn’t have to worry about money ever again, what would I do?”  Write a list of all of the answers you can think of.  It might be a particular job, or a place you want to travel, or a new skill you want to learn.  Think of every possibility, big and small, of what you would do, where you would go, the people you would surround yourself with if there were no restraints of time, money or excuses.  While it’s probably not realistic to set your initial goals on accomplishing everything on your list in the immediate future, a lot of the answers to this question can lead you in the direction that your heart wants to take you, and that’s the key to finding your passion.

Once you’ve acknowledged your dreams and passions, then you have a starting point from which to begin pursuing them.  In order to reach your ultimate dreams and fully live by all of your passions, start by taking small steps and forming small, attainable goals so that you don’t easily get discouraged.  For example, if one of your dreams were to pursue a completely new career or professional field, get a book and research that field or talk to someone who has the kind of job you’d be interested in.  Let’s say you’re passionate about learning how to play a new instrument.  Then start by signing up for just one lesson and go from there.  Maybe if you had no constraints in your life you would want to focus on helping others.  A great step to take would to start volunteering in your community, even if it’s just an hour a week.  It’s really just as easy as doing what you enjoy doing when you can enjoy doing it, and taking every opportunity to explore new possibilities and take new chances.  As you continue to take small steps, achieve more and more goals, and enjoy yourself while doing so, you will see new opportunities and paths towards fulfillment of your dreams and passions opening up before you.

Finding and following your passions is often misjudged and misunderstood by some people as something that is too risky, impractical and unreasonable to live your life by.  For every person who has wanted to live a life that they are truly passionate about and isn’t, they probably haven’t taken the time to think about what that life would really look like and mean to them.  Living your life according to your passions and dreams doesn’t mean you need to (or realistically can) drop everything at this moment and pursue your dream life at all costs and sacrifices.  But what it does mean is that you need to have the courage to step-by-step realize the life that you have the potential to really be living, and there’s no better time to start doing that than when you’re in your twenties.  As Walt Disney once said, “All of your dreams can come true, if you have the courage to pursue them.”  A life following your passion is simply one that is enjoyed by taking chances to follow where your heart is leading you.  Finding and following your passion doesn’t just mean you’re determined to reach an ultimate destination, but also making sure to enjoy the journey along the way. 

Rule #19: Live a Healthy Lifestyle

Living a healthy lifestyle when you’re in your twenties is probably one of the most obvious, simplest and practical rules to live by, but it’s also one of the most underappreciated and ignored.  Most Quarterlifers are too preoccupied and consumed with school, work, and social obligations to consciously monitor or improve their physical, mental and emotional health.  As a busy young professional or student, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and worn down by all of the external forces that we deal with on a daily basis, but the best preventative strategy against stress and sickness is to make sure we take care of our body, mind and heart.  The best thing about living a healthy lifestyle is that it’s one of the easiest rules to follow and if you develop a few simple habits to help take care of your health, then eventually you won’t even have to consciously put in too much effort to always feel great and perform at your highest level.

A common misconception about living healthy is that it takes a lot of added thought, work and effort, which many twentysomethings feel like they can’t afford in a busy lifestyle.  If you want to live out a dream of being a professional athlete, then you might need to make a few drastic changes and serious commitments. For the rest of us, getting and staying healthy doesn’t mean you need to dramatically change your lifestyle by going on a strict diet and hitting the gym everyday.  Of course eating right and exercising when you can is a pretty great way to stay healthy, but really the easiest and most effective way to keep yourself in good mental, physical and emotional shape is by making healthy choices.  In all aspects of our life we have choices- where to live, where to work, what to do in our free time, etc.  However, sometimes we don’t think about our choices and when trying to be healthy, it can be easy to make the wrong ones.  As busy and preoccupied as you may be, all it takes to be healthy without making dramatic changes in your lifestyle is by simply choosing healthier alternatives in your daily life.  Choose the healthier option when you go out to eat, choose not to have “just one more drink” when you’re out at the bar, choose to go for a walk or a jog on the weekend instead of catching up on TV.  It’s always hard at first to get in the habit of doing anything, but little by little if you start making better and healthier choices, eventually it will become a daily habit and routine in every part of your life.

Being healthy all starts with making the right choices, but there are also many other practical and simple ways to help you feel at your best.  The key is the make it fun and easy, and less like a chore.  There are many resources available to help you stay healthy- most of which don’t cost any money- so no matter how busy and preoccupied you may be with the stresses of daily life, there is often no excuse to make at least a few smart choices in your day.  Here are just a few examples of simple ways that can effortlessly be adapted into any lifestyle to help you stay healthy:

- Get enough sleep: Unfortunately for a lot of busy twentysomethings, sleep is often underrated and ignored which can cause a lot of unnecessary health problems.  If you get a sufficient amount of sleep, you’ll be more energetic, focused and productive throughout your day.  If you think you’re not getting enough sleep, force yourself to go to bed a few minutes early, or (if you can afford the time) set your alarm for a few minutes later than normal in the morning.  Getting enough sleep is the best way to fight off illness and is the first and most important step in staying healthy.

- Take advantage of your health benefits: If you have health insurance (and now if you’re under 26 you can be on your parents’ insurance plan), you should take advantage of it as much as you can and go to the doctor/dentist/etc on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, a lot of people (especially new, young professionals) who have health benefits are not always explained what you can and cannot do with your health plan.  It’s to your best advantage to first choose a good plan that you can afford, and then make sure you understand what you are entitled to with your benefits. With most health insurance plans, you can get quite a lot of health support for whatever you need- from minor illnesses, to physical checkups, medications and even mental health support if you need it- often at little to no extra cost beyond what you already contribute to your coverage. 

- Make exercise a social activity: Sometimes the hardest part about incorporating exercise into our day is doing it alone.  The solution to this is to make exercise a more social activity.  Schedule regular runs, walks or hikes with friends so that you have an easy excuse to exercise more.  It’s a can be a great alternative to meeting for a meal or drinks and will make both of you feel great.  Also join or start sports clubs at work.  Start a hiking club or form a sports (softball and dodgeball are always popular) team or league at your company.  Make it fun and competitive.  It’s a great way to get to know your colleagues and also foster corporate teamwork.

- Take classes at your gym: If you belong to a gym, sometimes it can be hard to motivate yourself to get out the door or spend an hour before or after work to hit the treadmill or the exercise bike.  However, most gym memberships let you take various exercise and fitness classes for free, and they’re offered at all times of the day.  If you’re the type of person who works best on a schedule, find a class at a convenient time and force yourself to go just once and see how you enjoy it.  Not only will attending regular classes keep you on a schedule and give you a reason to go to the gym at a specific time and day, but it’s also a great opportunity to be social at the gym and meet other active people.

- Make small changes in your diet: There are a lot of people who believe that eating right, losing weight and staying healthy means adhering to a strict and rigorous diet.  On the contrary, that can often be the problem and not the solution.  The simple solution is just to make small and simple changes in your daily diet choices.  For example, choose water instead of soda or alcohol at lunch; have wheat bread instead of white on your sandwich; only eat until you’re full instead of feeling obligated to clear your plate; and most importantly, always eat something in the morning, as breakfast really is the most important meal of the day.  You don’t have to stop eating things you enjoy, just make the healthy choice in your diet every now and then.

It’s not an understatement to say that living healthfully can be the most important thing we can do for ourselves to help us be at our best.  The ripple effect of maintaining a healthy lifestyle can be pretty astounding.  If we take care of our bodies and minds and make smart, healthy choices then it’s amazing how easy it is to be stress-free, illness-free, energetic and motivated in our daily lives.  No matter how overwhelmed you might be at this point in your life, if you focus taking care of yourself first and live a healthy lifestyle, then you’ll be even more prepared, willing and eager to take on any challenge that comes your way.

Rule #18: Be Honest

One of the most natural human qualities (especially in our current society) is to be dishonest, both individually and with others.  We do this for any number of reasons, sometimes as a defense mechanism, sometimes to conform to others’ standards, sometimes out of fear and sometimes because we’re not completely comfortable with the person that we genuinely are.  For twentysomethings, there are many aspects of life where we are not completely sure of ourselves or what others expect of us, so we often tend to avoid, ignore or distort the truth about who we truly are in order to become who we think we need to become to be successful and happy in our lives.  While this may be an okay strategy in the short term, eventually what will happen is there will come a moment when you’ll realize that the life you’re building and the path your traveling down is not faithful to your true self.  This will eventually lead to disappointment and a lack of fulfillment in your life.  If you really want to strive towards happiness, success and fulfillment in the long term (and the short term, too), you have to start with honesty.  As kids, most of us were taught that “Honesty is the best policy,” and there are plenty of reasons why this is true.  If you get in the habit of always being honest with yourself and with others, then you’ll find it to be the easiest and the best guidance system to follow to help you get the most out of your Quarterlife years.

The most important aspect of using honesty to your full advantage is to first be honest with yourself at all times.  A big key to being honest with yourself is to always be aware of and acknowledge your emotions.  Trust your instincts when something does or doesn’t feel right. Know your limits and your boundaries, and be honest about when to stay within them and when to push past them. You can’t force a square peg into a round hole, so don’t feel you have to put yourself into any situation that you don’t feel comfortable about.  At the same time, if something does feel right, acknowledge that feeling and pursue it. Whether you’re feeling fear, joy, trepidation, happiness, excitement or any emotion about a person, situation or a choice you face, your emotions will help guide you in the right direction.  You just need to learn to not ignore or avoid those emotions, and instead be honest and okay with them and let them serve you in a positive way.  The only right choice in any decision is the one that’s best for you, so if you make the choice based on your honest emotions, it’s pretty hard to make the wrong one.

While our emotions can help us to remain true in our decisions, no one makes the right choice every time.  A large part of being honest with yourself also means admitting your mistakes when you do make the wrong choice.  This can often be painful since part of being a twentysomething means making a lot of mistakes! You don’t have to dwell on them, but once you can admit your mistakes you can learn from them and move on.  Everyone makes incorrect choices now and then, but it’s how we react to them that will determine whether they will make us stronger or weaker.  If you’re honest with yourself about your mistakes, then you’ll know what to do to ensure that you don’t make them again in the future.

Honesty isn’t just an important rule to follow with yourself, but it can be just as important to follow with others as well.  There are many instances when we might think it’s better to hide some aspects of ourselves or lie to others and tell them what we think they want to hear or be who we think they want us to be.  This can be in any situation, like on a job interview, on a date, or maybe in situations with roommates or friends.  We tell ourselves that it might be easier or more advantageous (for us and for them) to lie or hide the truth, but eventually the truth always seems to come out one way or another.  When that happens, it becomes an even worse situation for both the other person and for you.  Being honest with other people will not only make you feel better about who you are, but you’ll gain more credibility and integrity in the view of everyone around you.  Not only that, but the more honest you are with others, the easier it will be to attract people to you who accept you for who you truly are and will make you feel the most comfortable about your true self.

Being consistently honest can be one of the most difficult rules to follow, not just for Quarterlifers, but for anyone.  There are many times when it requires making hard decisions for ourselves and for others around us.  However, if you learn to be as honest as possible in acknowledging your emotions, admitting and learning from your mistakes, and also being honest with others, you’ll see that honestly is a pretty effective compass that can help guide you to be the truest version of yourself.  The more honest you can be about yourself, the happier and more comfortable you will be with everything that you choose to be, do or have.

Rule #17: Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help

When you go through life in your twenties, it’s often a rollercoaster of the high points of feeling like you “have it all together,” and the low points of feeling totally helpless and alone.  Part of twentysomething life means making a few mistakes every now and then, and some mistakes might be bigger than others.  For most of us, these mistakes can be hard to swallow, and even harder to admit to others like our friends and family.  As we’re constantly trying to prove to ourselves and to everyone around us that we do have complete control in our lives, when we do occasionally fall we’re reluctant to appear vulnerable and ask for support when we might need it most.  Many twentysomethings are often so focused on themselves and how they appear to others, that it can be easy to remain stubborn and refuse to show any weakness.  While it might be hard at times to show weakness and vulnerability by asking for help and support from those around you, if you do ask for help and support when you need it the most (and even when you don’t), you’ll find that not only do you have a wealth of people around you eager to help you through the difficult times, but also that you are not unique in struggling through the ups and downs of Quarterlife.  No matter how strong and confident you might be in your life, even the strongest people can’t always do it alone.  As the saying goes, “you can’t get what you don’t ask for,” and if you’re not afraid to ask for help in the good times and the bad, not only will life in your twenties be easier but it will also be more fulfilling and rewarding knowing you had help from others to encourage you to be at your best.

Although at times twentysomethings may be reluctant to draw upon it, one of the best and most reliable resources for help and support is our parents.  Through our teenage and college years, we spend a lot of time trying to prove we can be independent from our parents and can oftentimes be stubborn in the pursuit of that independence.  In your twenties, however, when many of us do gain some semblance of freedom and independence, you can often find yourself torn between feeling like you can do it all on your own and feeling totally helpless.  When you do need help and support, it might feel a little embarrassing to admit to your parents that you don’t have it all together as much as you tried to prove it to them. Luckily for most of us, our parents will always be the first ones to help us when we need it most and also the people least likely to judge us when we do make mistakes.  While they probably can’t fully sympathize and understand with everything you’re experiencing, they most likely have experienced some of your same trials and tribulations when they were in their twenties and will want to help make it easier for you in any way that they can. Even if you don’t happen to have the best relationship with your parents, find the closest mentor or parental figure you do have nearby.  It might be a former professor, a co-worker or even your boss.  The least you’ll get is some helpful wisdom from those who have been in your shoes before and can help guide you on your way.  Whether it’s emotional, financial or psychological support we need, we might not always get exactly the help we are looking for from our parents, but for most twentysomethings our parents will often be the most willing and eager support system we can rely on for help when we need it the most.

The other major resource that can be invaluable in times when you need advice and assistance is from your fellow Quarterlifers. While it might be difficult at times to ask your parents for help and support, for many twentysomethings it can be even tougher to ask for the help and support of your peers.  Many times we don’t want to reveal our weaker sides to our friends and colleagues and also might be afraid to ask for help for fear of rejection, and in fear that it might burden them or turn them away. However, what you’re most likely to find is someone who can sympathize with you more than anyone else can, and is willing to help you out or at least lend an open ear to your troubles.  Most often, they are going through the same stresses that you are and want someone to identify with and who can sympathize with them, too.  For the most part, the problems that Quarterlifers are facing are common to one another, and who better to ask for help from than someone experiencing the same ups and downs that you are.  If you have the courage to be honest and ask for help from a peer, not only will you feel better about your situation, but also both of you will feel better knowing that you are not alone with your problems.  In many cases, knowing we are not alone is all that we need to give us the motivation to move past our down moments.

In finding our way in our Quarterlife years, it’s important to strike a balance between knowing when we can face our toughest moments completely on our own and when we might need some help along the way.  It’s not always easy to reveal our vulnerabilities to others in those times of need, but it’s also good to remember in those times that we’re all human and that no one person has all the right answers.  Sometimes we need a helping hand to get us over some of the speed bumps we encounter in life, but that help won’t always come to us on its own.  Reaching out for help in the times when you can’t or don’t want to be alone in your struggles will show you that you are never truly alone, and will bring out the inner strength that you may never have found without the support of those who are willing to help you the most.  All you have to do is ask!

Rule #16: Express Your Creativity

When some twentysomethings think about expressing creativity, they believe that it means being creative in a strictly artistic sense, which might mean being a good writer or musician or painter or photographer, for example. If you asked these same people if they thought that they were creative themselves then you would most likely get a negative answer.  However, the thing about creativity is that whether we know it or not, it’s something that we all express in our daily lives, from the most mundane activities to the most challenging ones. Being creative just means there is no limit to finding new and different ways to get the most out of expressing who you are as an individual, whether you are artistic or not. If you really want to get the most out of life in your twenties and discover your true individuality, then you have to get creative about how to be creative. When you are truly creative, you are just approaching all aspects of your life differently and thinking in a way that expresses your own individual uniqueness.  If you approach life in your twenties with this mindset, then you’ll discover how to enjoy your life the most you can.

If you don’t consider yourself an artist, expressing your creativity can be something as easy as finding new ways to enjoy even the simplest of daily activities. From the moment you get up in the morning until the moment you go to bed at night, there are countless ways to make your day more creative and exciting.  If you’re someone who is used to a routine everyday, change it up now and then.  Try a different cereal for breakfast, drive a new way to work, workout at a new gym (if you go to the gym), find a new website to explore every day, check out a new bar or restaurant once a week, rearrange the furniture in your apartment.  All it takes to be more creative in your daily life is to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while.  Sometimes being creative just means finding a different way to enjoy the things in our lives that we are most used to.

If you are someone who is artistically minded, there is never a better time to explore that aspect of your creative self than when you are in your twenties. There has never been a time when there have been as many simple, cheap and easily accessible ways to share your creativity with the rest of the world as there is now.  If you’re an aspiring filmmaker, then all it takes is a small digital camcorder and YouTube to share your creativity.  If you’re a wannabe writer, then all you have to do is create a blog (which is free).  If you want to be a radio host, start a podcast.  There really aren’t any limitations except your own excuses.  If you have the desire and the passion to be artistic and creative, there is no reason for you not to share your talents with the world.  Even if it’s just expressing your creativity for yourself, the important thing is to take advantage of the freedom and available resources you have as a twentysomething in today’s world to be creative.

Although changing up your daily routines is a great way to be creative and bring some more diversity into your life, being creative also means challenging yourself.  Sometimes, in order to be truly creative you need to break boundaries, test limits, take chances and not be afraid to take on more responsibility for pushing yourself further.  Don’t be afraid to do this in any area of your life.  At work be creative by taking charge of new projects or finding more efficient ways for your company to do things.  During some free time, take a vacation to a country or a city you never thought you would visit.  Be creative in your social life by exploring new places and going to new events in your area that you never had before.  All of these are just examples of potentially hugely rewarding ways that you can bring more creativity into your life.  If you just think outside the box and take some risks when you have the opportunity to as a Quarterlifer, then you’ll see how bringing creativity into your life can make it more exciting and interesting than you ever thought it could be.

As Quarterlifers today, we are constantly creative in the way we live our everyday lives more than any generation before us.  In the way we communicate, the way we work, the way we relax, the way we consume media, and in countless other ways we are creative in the way we shape our individual worlds.  To get the most out of life in your twenties, you need to find a way to not only use this creativity to make your life easier, but to also make it more fulfilling.  Take the time to explore and express your individual creativity and you’ll discover the world around you is more dynamic, fun, exciting and rewarding than you knew it was before.

Rule #15: Don't Settle

There might come a moment when you look around and take stock of what you have around you.  A steady job and paycheck that might not be as fulfilling as you had hoped but lets you afford a decent social life, a living space that might not be perfect but it’s a place to call home, a girlfriend/boyfriend that’s a great companion but you’re not sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with them.  You’ve overcome a lot of challenges to get what you have and to be where you are so far and even though you might not be completely fulfilled, you’re likely to say to yourself “well, it could be worse.”  As long as you have the paycheck, the apartment and the companion, you tell yourself that it’s better to have them than to not, even if they’re not ideal.  However, as a twentysomething just getting started in your adult life, there is no reason why you should have to settle for anything in your life.  It is a struggle to gain security and contentment in life sometimes, but when you are in your twenties and have so many years ahead to find true fulfillment, it’s not worth it to settle for “just okay” at this point in your life.  It’s great to remain positive and grateful for what you do have, but keep striving to reach even higher and to not settle for anything less than what you believe you can achieve for yourself.

Currently, we’re living in a “be fortunate for what you have” society.  The economy isn’t at it’s strongest, unemployment is high and sometimes it doesn’t seem like there’s too much optimism around.  While some of these aspects have affected today’s Quarterlifers, there is no reason why it should bring down any hope for change in the future, and should not encourage any twentysomething to settle for what they know in their hearts isn’t what they want for the rest of their lives.  With some of the harsh realities that our society is currently facing, it just means that you have to get a bit more creative to find your path to happiness.  For example, you may have to stick it out at your job for a little while more, but find ways to pursue your other dreams when you can.  If you want to be a writer, you may have to sacrifice some of your free time to devote to writing.  If you want to get a new car, you might have to be more disciplined in saving a few more dollars here and there.  If you want to start a small business, do whatever reading and planning you have to when you can and start it on the side.  Just because your current circumstances might not allow you to fully pursue what you want right now, no one says you can’t find a way to work towards your dreams in the present moment.  With just some discipline and patience, little by little you can find a way.

How can you tell if you might be settling for something in your life?  Just listen to what your heart is telling you.  There are so many aspects of your life where people will be telling you what’s right and what’s wrong and what you should and shouldn’t accept in your life.  Only you will know in your heart if you are settling for something you know you shouldn’t.  If there is a situation where you feel that it’s not quite right, listen to that instinct.  Don’t feel guilty about exploring options, trying something new or pushing yourself further than you think you can.  Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a career, in any area of life that requires total commitment and devotion it’s never worth giving in to or settling for a situation that doesn’t have the potential to be something your heart truly desires.  No one else can tell you what your life should be so anything less than what makes you happy and fulfilled is only settling for what others are telling you is right.  If you are aware of what your emotions are telling you, then you’ll know how to push yourself above settling and towards the fulfillment you desire in any aspect of your life.

Everyone has dreams, but sometimes it’s easy to slip into comfort and contentment and settle for less that what we ultimately strive for.  Sometimes our fears of losing what we have can distract us from what we can potentially achieve.  You shouldn’t feel like you have to change your whole life overnight if it’s not ultimately what you want, but as a twentysomething with a long future ahead it’s not the time of life to accept all that you have as all that you are going to get or can get without motivation and effort.  Of course there are times when you’ll have to make some sacrifices, but if you keep working towards your dreams and your goals you’ll find that those sacrifices will be worth not settling for less than your highest ambitions.  If you listen to your heart and strive past settling, then you’ll find that there is so much more you can have to be fortunate for than what you have right now.

Rule #14: Break The Rules

On a blog about rules, I understand the irony of including a rule that says “Break the Rules.”  However, as the common saying goes, “Rules are meant to be broken,” and for the current generation of twentysomethings, the rules of the past are consistently and rapidly being rewritten.  It’s those individuals who are pushing the boundaries and breaking the rules that are moving society forward as well as achieving their own personal goals and dreams.  It is in our Quarterlife years when we should be pushing ourselves to our highest personal standards by testing the limits in front of us.  If you break the rules every once in a while, you’ll find that the bar that you and those around you have set for you isn’t high enough and you’ll help yourself reach higher limits and goals than you ever thought was possible.

For today’s generation of twentysomethings, nothing is the same as it was for former generations.  The world is smaller, everything moves at a quicker pace, and the possibilities in front of us seem more endless than they ever were for former generations.  The struggle that both our young generation and the ones before us face is that the rules, expectations and standards are completely different than they were for our parents and older generations, and sometimes this can lead to tension between twentysomethings and our parents, teachers, bosses and role models.  For Quarterlifers today, the rules of the past- graduate college (if you’re lucky), get a job and stay at it for a long time, maybe get married young and have a family- seem like odd notions that don’t make sense to a generation that has more freedom to explore their lives before “settling down” than any other. 

Our generation was brought up to believe that the future was open to be whatever we wanted it to be.  In a way, we were taught to believe we could make our own rules and standards for our lives and break the ones that others before us had to follow.  In this spirit, take advantage of the freedom and opportunities that you are fortunate to have as a twentysomething in this day and age.  Break the rules of the past and create your own rules to live by that make sense for you as an individual.  In the end, you are your only judge, so the rules you make for yourself are the ones that you know will help lead you to where YOU want to be in your life.  Part of breaking the rules means that you are following your own heart, and if you let your heart and your instincts guide you, then you really can’t go wrong. 

Twentysomethings today are already part of a generation that’s breaking the rules.  If you look at the founding of Facebook and the utilization of technology and social media, you can see our generation changing the way that we communicate, discover and learn.  Take inspiration from this when you make a habit to “break the rules” in your everyday life.  Learn to think outside the box and find new ways to approach challenges.  Take more initiative at your school, in your office and in your free time.  Start new projects, finish uncompleted ones, and begin working towards your long held goals and dreams.  The only way that you’ll see your projects, goals and dreams to fulfillment is if you take risks and chances and break the rules every once in a while.  Every great accomplishment starts with someone questioning the status quo and breaking the rules that everyone else followed before them.  When you take a risk and do things differently every now and then, you create the rules that you want to follow for your own life, and even create the possibility to rewrite the rules for everyone else.  The only way to reach your goals is if you set the path, focus on the destination, and make the rules to follow to help you get there.

As a twentysomething in today’s world, you have the opportunity and the freedom to expand your horizons and push further beyond your boundaries than any other generation before.  While our parents, teachers and bosses have gratefully worked and sacrificed to give us the advantages that we have, it does not mean that you should always follow the rules, expectations and standards that they have set before us.  As you develop your own individuality, you should learn to test your limits often, which includes breaking the rules that your parents and other authority figures have expected you to follow.  Part of exploring and developing your true self involves discovering your own rules to live by, and it’s not always an easy process to break away from those who helped you clear your path.  It takes courage to break the rules, but if you take a chance every now and then, then you will see that you sometimes have to take a risk to make your world what you truly want it to be.

Rule #13: Find Your Selfmates, Not Your Soulmates

Part of being a twentysomething involves exploring relationships and finding the friends and partners that you hope will not only remain lifelong companions, but also help you grow as an individual.  For some people this means searching for their “soulmate”, or the one person that is perfect for them in each and every way and will bring true fulfillment to them for the rest of their life.  While this person may exist and may be waiting right around the corner, oftentimes the search can cause unhappiness and stress when they don’t come when you expect or want them.  In our Quarterlife years, as we are experiencing so many different things that constantly change and shape our individuality, it’s not really worth it to stress about finding the “perfect person” to be with.  The truth is, no one is perfect, so it can be a long time before you find a person who is.  Instead, work on making yourself as perfect a person as you are happy being, and then you’ll find the right person or people will appear in your life without much effort.  If you focus on building relationships with people who match up with the various parts of your individuality, then you’ll find that they will not only help build and strengthen those parts, but also help you to discover new aspects of yourself that will also help you grow.  Instead of looking for your “soulmate,” find friends and partners who will be your “selfmates,” or the people who will help you become the true person you want and hope to be.

Looking for your “selfmate” can actually be a pretty easy process once you know the kinds of people to look for.  Start off by finding people that best match up to your values.  You may not have all of the same interests, but if you have the same values, you’ll be more accepting of one another, and appreciate each other on a deeper level.  If you value variety, for example, you’ll probably get along best with friends who like to do something different each weekend, rather than just have the same routine every Saturday night.  If you value family, you’ll most likely get along better with other people who also value family and are close with their parents and siblings.  If you have friends and partners that hold the same values as you do, then you’ll probably find yourself more accepting of their different interests, and might even come to appreciate them as interests of your own.  It’s also important to keep in mind that as you grow as an individual, so will your values.  And as you and your values change, so will your friends.  You may value one thing today and a different thing tomorrow, and you’ll find that the company you keep will look different as your values change.  If you stay aware of this, and surround yourself with the people who complement your values as they change, then eventually it will become easier to find the people who are the best match for you as an individual. 

Finding your “selfmates” and not your “soulmates” also means staying true to who you are as in individual.  This not only means staying true to your values, but also keeping true to your likes and dislikes.  Stay engaged in activities and hobbies that keep you interested.  Join or start clubs or organizations.  One great resource to find some organizations or groups that may align with your interests is Meetup.com, where you can find plenty of other people in your local area who share the same interests and are looking for other people to share them with.  Finding friends, partners and new relationships takes some proactivity and effort, but if you start by engaging in your own interests on a more social level, you’ll find that there’s an abundance of other people who have a lot in common with you.

Finally, finding your “selfmates” includes being open to people who you might not expect to become friends with or enjoy spending time with.  Again, everyone has their flaws and if you come to accept the people around you for who they are, good and bad, the more you might find that they complement your own strengths and weaknesses.  Don’t feel like you have to give up who you are or what you are interested in just to please anyone else, and don’t expect others to do the same.  Even though someone may seem perfect in your eyes, if the only way that they will remain interested in you is if you change who you are, then you’re guaranteed to be unhappy in that relationship.  It also goes the other way: if you expect others to remain perfect as you want them to be then it will often lead to resentment and disappointment from both people in the relationship.  The more open, accepting and understanding you are of the people you form close relationships with, the deeper that relationship will become and you’ll see that they will appreciate you even more, as well.

All of us hope to one day find someone that we can share the rest of our lives with, along with our hopes and dreams.  However, not one of us can ever be sure when that person will eventually appear in our lives.  For Quarterlifers still in a young stage of life, there’s a lot of time to not only find your soulmate, but also time to explore your own life and your own hopes and dreams.  In your twentysomething years, remember to focus on developing who you are as an individual, and to surround yourself with people who will help you grow more confident in that individuality.  If you focus on finding your “selfmates” instead of your “soulmates,” then you’ll find that you have more than just one person around you that will make your life as fulfilling as you want it to be.

Rule #12: Have Fun!

When most people reach a certain stage adulthood, they either accept the belief or are told to believe that you need to start taking life seriously and put the days of fun and no worries behind you.  Life should now be focused on responsibility for yourself and for those around you.  When we reach our quarterlife years, it is true that we will take on a lot more responsibilities (some bigger than others) for ourselves and for others, but there is often a lost message that’s a pretty important one.  The message that encourages you to have fun and enjoy the journey and these years before even greater responsibility comes your way.  In your twenties, you will gain a lot more responsibility but at the same time you will also have more freedom than you probably will at any other point in your life.  If you take advantage of that freedom by doing your best to enjoy yourself and everything that you’re doing in whatever way you can, then you will find greater fulfillment not only in what you’re experiencing as a twentysomething, but also fulfillment in whatever you do the rest of your life.

Think about all of the best moments when you were younger - the ones that were the most fulfilling and rewarding.  I bet that for most of you, they were moments when you were having fun and just being a kid.  Playing little league, taking dance classes, playing video games, spending time with friends.  Most of the things you were best at and most gratifying when you were a kid were often activities you had fun doing.  Maybe for some of you that even included doing your math homework.  If you were good at math, you probably enjoyed doing it!  It’s really not that different when you are in your twenties, but some of the things you find enjoyable, gratifying and fun have most likely changed.  While your definition of enjoyment and fun has changed, the principle remains the same.  If you do what you enjoy, you will get greater fulfillment out of it and have a better quality of life overall.  Now, this doesn’t mean you should go out and be reckless and irresponsible if that’s your definition of fun.  But the principle should apply to many of the other areas of your life.  Live in a city you enjoy and appreciate.  Hang out with the friends you have fun with and who enjoy your company.  Find a career or job that you can find some aspect of enjoyment from, whether it’s specifically at your job or making sure the job allows you to enjoy yourself outside of work hours.  There is no law that says you can’t have fun doing something worthwhile and productive.  In fact if you’re NOT having fun, you probably won’t do as good of a job with it anyway. 

Entering into our quarterlife years, sometimes we can get consumed with our daily responsibilities that we can forget how to enjoy ourselves, or don’t know how to incorporate having fun into our everyday lives.  A good place to start is to make a list of all of the things you enjoy doing most, then use that to brainstorm activities, hobbies and jobs that you might want to pursue.  You don’t have to immediately change your job because you’re not having fun at it, but if you even just take one day a week to focus on doing something that you enjoy, whether it’s a sport, hobby, volunteer activity or whatever, you’ll see that consciously making an effort to enjoy yourself when you can will bring immense benefits to everything around you.  Wherever you live and whatever you do, there is always a time and a place that will allow you to have fun and enjoy yourself in the midst of your other responsibilities.

In the midst of our daily twentysomething lives, we can often get caught up in what we “should” be doing rather than what we “could” or want to be doing.  In the transition to adulthood, and with all of the responsibilities that accompany it, we sometimes forget that it’s okay to have fun and enjoy yourself even as your adult responsibilities may make it seem like it’s impossible to do otherwise.  If you remember to consciously make an effort to find time to enjoy yourself and have fun, not only in your spare time but also in whatever you’re doing (work, school, etc) than the pressures and responsibilities will seemingly decrease only because they won’t seem like burdens on your life.  It may not always be possible to make everything into a fun experience, but the moments you can find enjoyment from will be the most effortless and memorable experiences you might have in your life.  You’re never too young to have fun, but you can grow too old to wish you had enjoyed yourself more when you were younger.  Choosing to have fun when you can in your twenties will not only make your life easier and more enjoyable, but you’ll also find that you’ll be truly following the wants, wishes, passions and desires of your heart that will make your life more and more fulfilling each and every day.

Rule #11: (Sorta) Listen to Your Parents

Growing up, most of us were often subjected to the rules, wisdom, insight and authority of our parents as they supported, sustained and developed us into capable adults.  The influence our parents had on us (good or bad) throughout our lives as children and teenagers cannot be denied and will continue to have an influence on us throughout our quarterlife years.  As you struggle to form your own adult identity and independence in your twenties, it can be a challenge for both yourself and your parents to balance how their influence will continue to shape you as an individual.  While you’re growing up you may be naive in knowing whether or not your parents know what’s really best for you, but when you become an independent twentysomething adult you can make an informed and individual choice about who to be rather than make choices strictly based on what others want for you.  Our parents will always want to support us to help us be at our best, but in our twenties it’s ultimately it’s up to ourselves to decide how their influence will help us get the most out of our lives.

Relationships with your parents can be one of the most rocky, emotional and rewarding relationships we have in our lives, sometimes even more in our twenties than in our tumultuous teenage years when we were first struggling to gain any independence from them that we could.  It is also a time when we come to understand our parents a little bit more.  We gain some of the responsibilities that they carry, so we obtain a new sense of understanding why they are they way they are sometimes and we can sympathize with their adult experiences for the first time.  For many Quarterlifers, it’s also the first time when you can face full independence from your parents, in many aspects.  It might be the first time you’re living on your own, making your own money that you can support yourself with, or even supporting a family of your own.  Along with this new freedom comes a lot of new responsibility and choices.  With independence comes bills and rent to pay, groceries to buy, dinner to cook, taxes to file.  There are a lot of new challenges you might face and it’s in these times when your parents help and support is always most welcome.  When we need a helping hand, our parents will hopefully be the first ones to extend one, so if they do, don’t be afraid to take it.  It’s in these times when they do have more wisdom and knowledge from experience than we do, so it’s better to be accepting rather than stubborn.  Just make sure to be thank them for the help!

Dealing with your parents during your quarterlife years can also be a struggle because there are often times when they may think they know what’s best for you a little TOO much.  A lot of parents have their own vision for what they want us to become when we reach adulthood, and this can be frustrating to deal with sometimes.  Your parents might want you to follow a specific career, live in a particular city, and date a certain type of person.  More often than not, our own vision for our lives is usually different.  We probably want to work a different job, live in a different city and have a different lifestyle than the one that our parents imagine for us and often this can lead to conflict.  When it comes to the pressure and stress you might receive from your parents, use your own judgment as to how to deal with it.  What’s important to realize is that our parents don’t want us to make the same mistakes that they may have made, or any mistakes for that matter.  However, you need to make mistakes in order to discover your own value of right and wrong and know what is best for yourself.  This doesn’t mean you have to always reject what your parents advise you to do, but it does mean that you are the only one who ultimately makes the choice.  Our parents only want the best for us, so value their advice.  You don’t always have to follow it because at the end of the day only you know what’s best for yourself.  In the end, no matter what choice you make, they’ll always be there to support you.  If you make a decision based on fear of what someone else might think, then that’s always the wrong one.

It’s also important to keep in mind that our parents are of a different generation, and they probably didn’t have it as easy (or as hard) and twentysomethings have it these days.  Most of our parents and adults of former generations got married younger, started families earlier, stayed with jobs longer and might not have had the freedom to pursue passions or careers that many young people do these days.  Our parents have made a lot of sacrifices for us, but instead of feeling pressured to honor those sacrifices by being what they may want you to become, take advantage of those sacrifices by being what YOU want to become.  When that happens, it will reward every sacrifice your parents have ever made for you, and both you and your parents will see that in the end. 

When we enter independent adulthood in our twenties, which usually involves breaking away from our parents in a multitude of ways (financially, residentially, influentially, etc), it can be a liberating and also scary experience.  There will be many times when we want the comfort of their support and guidance, and all we can hope is that it will be there whenever and wherever we need it.  However, it’s also a time when you must embrace the influence that your parents had on you throughout your formative years, and use it to formulate a version of yourself that both your parents and you as an individual can be proud of.  It may lead to some disagreements and conflicts at times, but the best way to honor your parents is to honor the best version of yourself that they helped you become.

Rule #10: Don't Compare Yourself To Others

If there is one thing that can never be debated about living life in your twenties, it’s that no two people will ever have the same experience.  In high school and college, you may attend the same schools, take the same classes, get the same test scores, play the same sports, or have the same friends as someone else, but at some point that will change.  Inevitably, you will leave the controlled environment of school and head out into the “real world” where a million different factors will make your life unique from everyone else’s and shape your twentysomething experience.  As you head down your own individual path, it’s common to look around at other people your age and compare yourself to others who don’t appear to be much different than you are, and are at a point in their lives that may be quite different than the point you’re at.  It just so happens that in our twenties this tends to be the root of some of our greatest insecurities.  It’s in our nature to compare ourselves to others, but if you learn to focus on yourself and not worry about where others are in their lives, then you’ll find that there is a lot more to appreciate about what’s already all around you.

For most twentysomethings, you’re at a point in life when you are struggling to figure out your individuality and your own path ahead, and it can be easy to look around and appear as if everyone else around you “has it together.”  It will happen at times that you will see peers your own age (or even younger) gain notoriety, wealth or success before you.  Sometimes it may even appear that they gained that success by not working as hard as you, or by not paying the dues you might be paying to get ahead.  This can lead to feelings of depression, lack of motivation and an overall feeling that you might be “doing something wrong.”  During these times you might feel frustrated and dejected because life is not exactly turning out as planned for you, but it appears to be working out great for others.   

What is important to realize is that the cause of all of these feelings are our own perceptions.  When things may not be going as we planned in our own lives we tend to look around and compare ourselves with our peers, and this can lead to feeling that a lot of other people don’t have the same problems that you do and are better off than you are.  The truth is that they DON’T have the same problems that you do, but in reality they probably have their own set of struggles and challenges that they are facing.  Let’s take work and careers for example.  Let’s say that you’ve been working really hard at your job for the past two years since you graduated college.  You haven’t moved too far up the ladder at your company, but recently you heard about a college friend of yours that in the same two years has advanced a lot farther at their company and are making double the salary that you are.  This can certainly be quite difficult to see that one of your peers is excelling a lot more rapidly than you are, and you might think that they’re doing something right and you must be doing something wrong.  However, that’s really your own perception.  Yes, they may have a better salary and a higher position at their company, but most likely they probably have challenges and problems that you are not aware of, or would even want.  They might have to work many more hours than anyone else and don’t have much of a social life.  Also they might be under a lot more pressure than you would want if you were in their position.  In many ways, they may even look at you in envy and think that you are more fortunate in what you have going at your job.  Unless you walk a day in their shoes, you’ll never fully understand what someone else’s life is truly like beyond their appearances.

It can be very difficult not to notice and compare ourselves to our peers and see where we are in our own lives compared to where they are.  At times it is tough to feel like we’re doing everything we can to be successful while it appears that others around us are gaining success quicker and more easily.  The solution is to just focus on yourself and do what you can to be content with your own life path.  If you feel like you might not be doing the right thing to get the success and happiness that others appear to have, maybe it’s a sign that you might need to make a change in your life, even if it’s a small one.  However you can motivate yourself to move closer towards your own happiness, then it won’t matter how others around you are doing.  We all have our own mountains to climb, but it just so happens that everyone takes a different route to get to the top.  Some routes may seem easier than others, but if you remain dedicated to your own path that you believe is the right one for you, eventually you’ll reach the peak.

Rule #9: Focus on Relationships (Part 2- Types of Relationships To Focus On)

(Don't forget to check out Rule #9 Part 11!)

It can be argued that learning to form good relationships can be the most important thing you do for yourself when you are in your twenties.  Last week I focused on why building strong relationships is a significant rule during your Quarterlife years.  Not only is it important for those around you, but it is also important if you want to focus on being the best individual that you can be.  Learning how to build a solid relationship with the people around you will not only make your life a lot more pleasant and enjoyable, but from those relationships you will also learn a lot of lessons that will teach you a lot about yourself and how you can successfully develop good relationships in all aspects of your life.

There are many different types of relationships that are defined in your twenties, and it is important to learn what you can from each type.  For most twentysomethings, the most mentally and emotionally consuming (and usually stressful) of these types of relationships are our romantic relationships.  In these relationships, it’s important to find out who and what we like in a person but also to see what we ourselves are like in a romantic relationship.  Dating and developing romantic relationships in your twenties is fun, wonderful and enlightening, but also at times a frustrating, scary and heartbreaking experience.  Yet if you are conscious to learn from all of your trials and tribulations in the dating world, good and bad, you will find out what type of person complements you best and also how you can best succeed in a relationship with a significant other.  It may be difficult to move on from some romantic relationships, but there is always something to be learned about yourself that will make you stronger in the long term.  Most twentysomethings want to end up with the right person (if they plan to eventually get married), so learning how to form strong romantic relationships is especially important to learn and focus on.

Another important type of relationship that is key for twentysomethings to cultivate are professional relationships.  A majority of people in their twenties are entering the working world for the first time, and meeting a lot of professionals, young and old, experienced and inexperienced.  Developing strong relationships with professional contacts can be beneficial to anyone in their twenties for many reasons.  Not only can you develop strong friendships with your co-workers, but you can also build a strong professional network that can guide you along your own career path.  Get to know as many of your co-workers individually as you can.  The ones with experience can share with you their own path and teach you about their experiences, mistakes and successes in the working world.  The ones with less experience can share with you their frustrations and accomplishments in navigating the working world for the first few years as you are.   Creating strong relationships with co-workers and your bosses can also help to find a mentor who can personally guide you through your professional path and provide support whenever you need it.  Even if you don’t plan on continuing with the career you might be currently working in, it’s still advantageous to have good relationships with your former and current co-workers because they can often provide good professional advice and support no matter what industry or career path you may choose.

Along with dealing with romantic and professional relationships in your twenties, it is also a great time to focus on and develop a stronger relationship with your family.  There is a common saying that goes “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.”  In our younger years, not every relationship with our parents or siblings was always calm or satisfying.  When we are younger, we are usually struggling to develop our own individuality as our family members are trying to have just as much influence on the individuals we will become, which often leads to clash and conflict.  As we enter into our twenties and further towards adulthood, we become more sensible as adults and can use this time to develop stronger relationships with our family.  We start to see our parents less as overprotective authority figures and can sympathize with them as adults as we begin to share some of the same daily struggles and frustrations that they have encountered for many more years than we have.  If you have solid relationships with your family members, then when you encounter your most difficult moments in your twenties you will always find unconditional support and love to get you through the hard times.  When you break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, lose a job, or have trouble finding your way, it’s your family that will always be there to help you out.  You may not always find that they will give you the wisest or welcome advice, but from them you will certainly find the emotional support that will carry you through any setback.  It’s that emotional support from your family that you won’t get from anyone else in your life, so it’s important to focus on your relationships with your family so that you can always know when to draw on them for the support you need to get you through this unique time of life.

During our Quarterlife years as we are building a deeper relationship with ourselves, it is important to be mindful that we can’t do it alone.  While it is important to create a strong sense of individuality, it is just as important to develop strong relationships with the people around you who can help in your growth as an individual and also make the journey just as rewarding.  With each relationship you enter into, good and bad, there is always something to be learned about yourself and about how you can create even stronger relationships with others.  If you really work to form strong emotional, professional and supportive relationships with the people around you, you will find even greater fulfillment in every other success you gain in your twenties.

Rule #9: Focus on Relationships (Part 1- Why Build Strong Relationships)

It is often said, “No man is an island.”  Meaning, no matter where we go in our lives we will always be surrounded by other people and can never be able to get by exclusively on our own.  Never in our adult lives is this truer than when we are in our twenties.  While it is the first time for many of us when we are often truly on our own, it is also the time when our strongest and deepest relationships with the people around us should and will be formed.  Developing strong relationships with those around us will not only make our lives more fulfilling and complete but will also help to strengthen, define and develop our own individuality.

In our twenties we are always striving to surround ourselves with things to fulfill and define us like a great job, nice place to live, a good car, etc.  A lot of twentysomethings tend to believe that once they are materially secure then the important and fulfilling relationships with friends, family and significant others will follow.  While pursuing individual fulfillment and success, we sometimes neglect to understand that it is our experiences and relationships with the people around us that make everything else in our lives fulfilling.  What is a new job or promotion worth if you don’t get along with your boss or co-workers?  What is a new degree worth if you don’t have a good relationship with your parents to share your pride of getting it with them?  What is a great new apartment or home worth if you don’t have friends to enjoy it with?  If we have strong relationships surrounding us, then all that we work hard to achieve will be fulfilling not only to ourselves but also those closest to us, as well.

Good relationships will also build a strong support system encouraging us as we pursue the success we strive for.  In our twenties we are working so hard to achieve financial, professional and material success that we don’t often realize how quickly that can all change, or even in the worst cases, disappear.  When you do fall, you will be thankful for the people around you that will always come to support you in time of need.  It is in these times when the people we have the closest relationships with will help us rebound even stronger than we were before.

During our Quarterlife years, when we are first trying to figure out a lot of things on our own, we sometimes think that we have the answers to all of our problems, or at least the confidence and the will-power to figure them out ourselves.  While this may be a positive mindset and prove to be true in some situations, what we tend to ignore sometimes is that we are constantly surrounded by people who have probably faced and conquered the same problems at one time in their own lives.  Most of the time, these people are the ones we are closest to in our lives, like our family members, co-workers and other friends.  If you have a strong network of relationships around you, then you will be even more confident in yourself to know when you can face your problems on your own, and when you need to rely on your support system around you.   

Even though we hope that we will always have the courage to face all of the problems in our twentysomething years individually as much as possible, there are also times when we can get quite needy as well, but are usually afraid to call upon our friends or relatives in these times of need for fear of rejection, looking weak, and other reasons that probably aren’t sensible.  It is in these times of need when you will find that the strong relationships you develop will be the most ready, willing, and able to help you get through those difficult times.  If your relationship is strong enough, it won’t even be difficult to call upon them for help because you’ll be confident enough in them to help you when you need it, and they’ll most likely sense that you need someone to rely on anyway.

There are a multitude of reasons why building the strongest relationships possible in our twenties is important.  Good relationships with the people around you will help bring out the best in you, and also help you get through the times when you are at your worst.  There are many kinds of people you will form relationships with when you are in your twenties, and different types of relationships that are important to focus on and to learn from.  Each type of relationship, and every person you form a relationship with will be a great learning experience, which I’ll discuss in my next post.   So please check back in next week when I’ll continue with Rule #9 and continue discussing how to “Focus on Relationships.” 

Rule #8: Have an "Attitude of Gratitude"

For most twentysomethings, it can often feel like there is a lack of pretty much everything: money to spend, an abundance of good friends close by, an easy or fulfilling job, a large and clean apartment along with decent roommates, not to mention a steady or stable relationship.  For every typical twentysomething a few years removed from college there will always be at least one area of their lives that will lead to asking of the question, “Is This All There Is?”  Sometimes it can seem like so much is going wrong in many areas of life, that it’s really hard to see the positive in anything, and especially to be grateful for all that you have in your life right now.  However, what we often tend to forget is that our own world around us is all based upon how we perceive it.  If you think about all of the negative stuff around you, then your world will feel pretty rough.  If you take the good from the bad and have an “Attitude of Gratitude,” then you’ll be guaranteed to have a more positive feeling about what you DO have, instead of what you’re lacking in your life.

The truth is, sometimes there are a lot of things in our current lives that are out of our control.  Maybe you just suffered an unexpected breakup, or you don’t have enough money to go out with friends on a Friday night, or your boss is too demanding, or your rent just got raised and you might need to move.  When you are faced with these uncontrollable situations, it’s easy to look at the negative side or to react in a way that’s anything but positive.  Yet, if you take an “Attitude of Gratitude” you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can turn a negative situation into a positive one.  With a breakup, be grateful that you had the time with that person and that you can find someone who will appreciate you even more.  If you’re not in a great financial situation, be grateful that you have the opportunity to learn how to be responsible with your money.  If you’re boss is too demanding, be grateful that they are trying to push you to be a better worker or make you realize your limits as their employee.  If you’re rent is raised and you need to move, be grateful that you have an opportunity to find a new place that might be even better than the place you’re living now.  While it may seem hard to believe at times, for every situation there is always something to be grateful for if you look hard enough.

Although it is more difficult to be grateful during times that are tough, it’s also important to have an “Attitude of Gratitude” in times that are good, too.  Whenever you are fortunate to have something good happen in your life, be grateful for it and enjoy it as fully as you can.  For some of these good moments, they may be one of the few times they may happen.  Also remember to be grateful for those who help you in those good times.  Even just remembering to say “thank you” more often will make a world of difference to yourself and those around you who are supporting you in the good times and the bad.  Think about the times when you’ve done a good deed or done something helpful for someone else.  If they’ve expressed their gratitude or even just said a simple “thank you,” it’s made you feel pretty good, right?  If you are more thankful to others and appreciate their thanks as well, you’ll feel proud about helping out your friend or neighbor and will be more motivated to help them and others out in the future. 

At times it may seem like everyone and everything in the universe is conspiring against us, especially in our twenties when we’re struggling and hoping for even a little bit of fortune, opportunity and momentum.  During these times the last thing we often feel is gratitude, but whether we like it or not it is inevitable that you will experience both good times and bad as you find your way through the Quarterlife years.  Keeping an “Attitude of Gratitude” is important in both the good and the bad times because the good moments never last forever and there is always a lesson to learn from the bad.  Every moment is what you make of it, and even as bad as things may seem sometimes, there is probably someone out there who has it worse.  With an “Attitude of Gratitude” you can learn from and appreciate every moment you have and look back at your twenties with a feeling of grateful positivity.

Rule #7: Be Yourself

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss

These days in the age of social networking and mass media that is constantly forcing people to conform to particular lifestyles and ideologies, it’s hard to be completely unapologetic about your individuality. Everyone strives to be accepted into their community anyway they can, whatever and wherever it may be.  It’s never a bad thing to want to fit in to your surroundings, but the trouble comes at those times when we sacrifice who we are as an individual in order to fit in.  During the Quarterlife years this can tend to happen more often than not because as we are exploring our identities while we are in our twenties, it can often take a lot of time and effort to feel fully comfortable with who we are as individuals.  This is because we are not as constantly surrounded by a support system as strong as the one we may have had around us growing up like our friends and families that were always nearby.  As you move away from the close community of college and home life, and into what can be, at times, a lonely period of early adulthood, it’s easy to want to conform to the standards of others, whether it’s your co-workers, a new girlfriend or boyfriend, a new roommate, etc.  People always have the urge to want to be accepted by those around them, sometimes at great costs.  In your twenties, when more people with very diverse backgrounds and personalities will come and go in your life than in any other time, it’s more to your benefit to be true to yourself and develop a strong sense of individuality that you can be proud of.

Finding your genuine individuality and being true to your yourself can be a daunting challenge when you’re in your twenties, but doing so is beneficial in ways that aren’t always immediately obvious or clear at first.   Most times we tend to want to conform because we want to fit in and please other people.  This most likely happens with a new group of friends, co-workers or someone you may be currently dating.  In these situations we might not be completely truthful about ourselves, give in to some non-traditional behavior and sacrifice our true personality so that we can be accepted by these new people in our lives.  When this happens what we don’t realize is that it’s really not benefiting us in any positive way.  While we may fit in or be accepted at first, we’re really sacrificing our individuality for THEIR benefit, not ours.  Eventually what you will come to realize is that you’ve sacrificed your individuality so that someone else might be okay with you, and not so that ultimately you’ll be completely okay with yourself.  Also what will happen is that you’ll realize that maybe these people aren’t fun to be around, or don’t complement you in a way that will make you happy to be your true self.  What will happen when you are true to yourself is that the people that do complement you will find you, and vice versa.  You might have to be patient at first, but you’ll find that there are other people out there that share similar qualities and tastes as you and you’ll be more likely to develop deeper bonds with those kinds of friends. 

In our twenties what we tend to forget and what differentiates our lives from our college years is that we get to choose who we surround ourselves with.  No one is forcing you to live with a particular roommate or take classes with the same group of people, or even work at any particular company.  While you might have to put up with a few quirks of a new roommate or a difficult co-worker from time to time, for the most part we get to decide who our friends are and who we do and don’t allow into our lives.  Therefore, it’s important that we choose wisely, and that will always be an easier task if you stay true to who are truly are as an individual. 

The time of Quarterlife is a time to be selfish, to find out what matters to you as an individual and discover what people and things complement that individuality.  If you surround yourself with people who encourage you to be yourself, and truly accept you for who you are then you’ll never have an excuse to pretend to be someone or something that you’re not.  You know in your heart what makes you special as an individual person, so don’t be afraid to express that wholeheartedly.  When you do, you’ll be amazed at how easily the right people and things will come into your life and help you down the right path to happiness and fulfillment.

Rule #6: Continue Your Education

“The truth is that school does little more than to put one in the way of learning how to acquire personal knowledge.”- Napoleon Hill

A lot of people tend to believe that once they leave college, or any formal classroom setting, and go out into the “real world” that their education has completed.  While it may be true that your formal education might be completed, education of oneself should never stop when you leave a classroom.  The first few years after graduation are when some of your most important life education begins, and unfortunately I think there are many twentysomethings that are not encouraged to engage in the active development and pursuit of this education that is so vital for the years ahead.  Whether it’s pursuing a new hobby, interest, or a career, it’s important to always challenge yourself by opening up to new ideas and knowledge that can help lead you on the right path to fulfillment and success.  There are many ways to pursue further education after you leave the classroom, both formal and informal.  Here are just a few of the ways you can always find more knowledge for further self-improvement:

Learn from Life Experience:

Just because you graduate college doesn’t mean that education stops once you get your degree.  In fact, it’s really just the beginning.  Use the first few years after graduation as a learning experience.  Know that these are the best years to make mistakes and learn from them.  After each good or bad experience, evaluate the lessons you’ve learned from each one and use it as a model for self improvement for the next try.  For most people who attend college, the experience is not just about preparing you for the work force, or to be knowledgeable about one particular subject, but it’s also a time to prepare you for the life experiences you will encounter as you embark on your own life.  If you are self-aware enough about your own experiences, you will learn that each one can teach you a lesson about how to improve yourself in the future.

Always Keep Reading:

In a shocking statistic from parapublishing.com, 42% of college graduates never read another book after college.  Although we constantly heard the message from our high school English teachers, it really is important to read newspapers, books, and the internet.  Read anything so as to expose yourself to new possibilities and curiosities, and it will also keep you current about what’s going on in the world.  Not only will this make you more interesting at parties, but it will expose yourself to things you might find interesting, and also topics and subjects you may or may not have been aware that you were interested in. 

At the bookstore, go to different sections and check out new books.  Or just make it a habit to hang out in a bookstore in a regular basis.  I know every time I go into a bookstore, I go to the same 3 or 4 sections.  Every time I find a few new books that I’d be really interested to read.  I call it the Bookstore Compass.  Also feel free to check out a new section every once in a while and see what might catch your eye.

Another good way to find books that might appeal to you is to check out Amazon.com.  If you do most of your book shopping there, they’ll give you some good suggestions for other books you might like.  Or even when you just browse for books online, you can find ones that are similar to your tastes that might appeal to you.  Usually if you like one particular book, there are many many more that you’d probably enjoy as well.  It’s important to remember that when you’re out of school, you no longer are required to read books for classes, so take the opportunity to read whatever interests you.  I know when I was in school there were a lot of books I dreaded reading, and always said “well, I’d be more interested to read something if it was a book I wanted to read.”  Well, unless you’re studying for a higher degree, there’s no excuse not to pick up that book you’ve always wanted to read right now!

Take Classes:

Similar to not having to read specific books for classes when you’re in college, you also have the freedom to explore new subjects and classes you might have always been interested in.  Taking classes doesn’t mean you necessarily need to make a huge time and monetary commitment and go back to grad school for a whole degree. Don’t go to grad school for the sake of going back to school.  Grad school should only be a path to pursue only if you are sure of what you want to specialize in for a career.  It’s expensive, difficult and time consuming. Take a course at a local community college or extension school.  If you ask around, you might even be able to get a class paid for by work or other organizations.  Some companies will pay for extension classes, and a lot of classes are online, so they don’t take as much time and effort outside of your other work/social activities.  Maybe you want to take a cooking class, or an art class, or a class on how to teach ESL.  Taking classes gives you great hands on experience with new interests that might open up to a new passion or a career.  And it’s a great way to meet some experts who can give you a first-hand perspective on that particular field.

When you’re in your twenties, it’s a time to explore new paths and opportunities, but part of that takes effort and opening yourself up to new knowledge about your own life experiences and the world around you.  The more knowledgable you are about yourself and the world around you, the easier it will be to make informed and educated decisions about where you want to go and what roads you want to travel.