Rule #17: Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help

When you go through life in your twenties, it’s often a rollercoaster of the high points of feeling like you “have it all together,” and the low points of feeling totally helpless and alone.  Part of twentysomething life means making a few mistakes every now and then, and some mistakes might be bigger than others.  For most of us, these mistakes can be hard to swallow, and even harder to admit to others like our friends and family.  As we’re constantly trying to prove to ourselves and to everyone around us that we do have complete control in our lives, when we do occasionally fall we’re reluctant to appear vulnerable and ask for support when we might need it most.  Many twentysomethings are often so focused on themselves and how they appear to others, that it can be easy to remain stubborn and refuse to show any weakness.  While it might be hard at times to show weakness and vulnerability by asking for help and support from those around you, if you do ask for help and support when you need it the most (and even when you don’t), you’ll find that not only do you have a wealth of people around you eager to help you through the difficult times, but also that you are not unique in struggling through the ups and downs of Quarterlife.  No matter how strong and confident you might be in your life, even the strongest people can’t always do it alone.  As the saying goes, “you can’t get what you don’t ask for,” and if you’re not afraid to ask for help in the good times and the bad, not only will life in your twenties be easier but it will also be more fulfilling and rewarding knowing you had help from others to encourage you to be at your best.

Although at times twentysomethings may be reluctant to draw upon it, one of the best and most reliable resources for help and support is our parents.  Through our teenage and college years, we spend a lot of time trying to prove we can be independent from our parents and can oftentimes be stubborn in the pursuit of that independence.  In your twenties, however, when many of us do gain some semblance of freedom and independence, you can often find yourself torn between feeling like you can do it all on your own and feeling totally helpless.  When you do need help and support, it might feel a little embarrassing to admit to your parents that you don’t have it all together as much as you tried to prove it to them. Luckily for most of us, our parents will always be the first ones to help us when we need it most and also the people least likely to judge us when we do make mistakes.  While they probably can’t fully sympathize and understand with everything you’re experiencing, they most likely have experienced some of your same trials and tribulations when they were in their twenties and will want to help make it easier for you in any way that they can. Even if you don’t happen to have the best relationship with your parents, find the closest mentor or parental figure you do have nearby.  It might be a former professor, a co-worker or even your boss.  The least you’ll get is some helpful wisdom from those who have been in your shoes before and can help guide you on your way.  Whether it’s emotional, financial or psychological support we need, we might not always get exactly the help we are looking for from our parents, but for most twentysomethings our parents will often be the most willing and eager support system we can rely on for help when we need it the most.

The other major resource that can be invaluable in times when you need advice and assistance is from your fellow Quarterlifers. While it might be difficult at times to ask your parents for help and support, for many twentysomethings it can be even tougher to ask for the help and support of your peers.  Many times we don’t want to reveal our weaker sides to our friends and colleagues and also might be afraid to ask for help for fear of rejection, and in fear that it might burden them or turn them away. However, what you’re most likely to find is someone who can sympathize with you more than anyone else can, and is willing to help you out or at least lend an open ear to your troubles.  Most often, they are going through the same stresses that you are and want someone to identify with and who can sympathize with them, too.  For the most part, the problems that Quarterlifers are facing are common to one another, and who better to ask for help from than someone experiencing the same ups and downs that you are.  If you have the courage to be honest and ask for help from a peer, not only will you feel better about your situation, but also both of you will feel better knowing that you are not alone with your problems.  In many cases, knowing we are not alone is all that we need to give us the motivation to move past our down moments.

In finding our way in our Quarterlife years, it’s important to strike a balance between knowing when we can face our toughest moments completely on our own and when we might need some help along the way.  It’s not always easy to reveal our vulnerabilities to others in those times of need, but it’s also good to remember in those times that we’re all human and that no one person has all the right answers.  Sometimes we need a helping hand to get us over some of the speed bumps we encounter in life, but that help won’t always come to us on its own.  Reaching out for help in the times when you can’t or don’t want to be alone in your struggles will show you that you are never truly alone, and will bring out the inner strength that you may never have found without the support of those who are willing to help you the most.  All you have to do is ask!