Rule #18: Be Honest

One of the most natural human qualities (especially in our current society) is to be dishonest, both individually and with others.  We do this for any number of reasons, sometimes as a defense mechanism, sometimes to conform to others’ standards, sometimes out of fear and sometimes because we’re not completely comfortable with the person that we genuinely are.  For twentysomethings, there are many aspects of life where we are not completely sure of ourselves or what others expect of us, so we often tend to avoid, ignore or distort the truth about who we truly are in order to become who we think we need to become to be successful and happy in our lives.  While this may be an okay strategy in the short term, eventually what will happen is there will come a moment when you’ll realize that the life you’re building and the path your traveling down is not faithful to your true self.  This will eventually lead to disappointment and a lack of fulfillment in your life.  If you really want to strive towards happiness, success and fulfillment in the long term (and the short term, too), you have to start with honesty.  As kids, most of us were taught that “Honesty is the best policy,” and there are plenty of reasons why this is true.  If you get in the habit of always being honest with yourself and with others, then you’ll find it to be the easiest and the best guidance system to follow to help you get the most out of your Quarterlife years.

The most important aspect of using honesty to your full advantage is to first be honest with yourself at all times.  A big key to being honest with yourself is to always be aware of and acknowledge your emotions.  Trust your instincts when something does or doesn’t feel right. Know your limits and your boundaries, and be honest about when to stay within them and when to push past them. You can’t force a square peg into a round hole, so don’t feel you have to put yourself into any situation that you don’t feel comfortable about.  At the same time, if something does feel right, acknowledge that feeling and pursue it. Whether you’re feeling fear, joy, trepidation, happiness, excitement or any emotion about a person, situation or a choice you face, your emotions will help guide you in the right direction.  You just need to learn to not ignore or avoid those emotions, and instead be honest and okay with them and let them serve you in a positive way.  The only right choice in any decision is the one that’s best for you, so if you make the choice based on your honest emotions, it’s pretty hard to make the wrong one.

While our emotions can help us to remain true in our decisions, no one makes the right choice every time.  A large part of being honest with yourself also means admitting your mistakes when you do make the wrong choice.  This can often be painful since part of being a twentysomething means making a lot of mistakes! You don’t have to dwell on them, but once you can admit your mistakes you can learn from them and move on.  Everyone makes incorrect choices now and then, but it’s how we react to them that will determine whether they will make us stronger or weaker.  If you’re honest with yourself about your mistakes, then you’ll know what to do to ensure that you don’t make them again in the future.

Honesty isn’t just an important rule to follow with yourself, but it can be just as important to follow with others as well.  There are many instances when we might think it’s better to hide some aspects of ourselves or lie to others and tell them what we think they want to hear or be who we think they want us to be.  This can be in any situation, like on a job interview, on a date, or maybe in situations with roommates or friends.  We tell ourselves that it might be easier or more advantageous (for us and for them) to lie or hide the truth, but eventually the truth always seems to come out one way or another.  When that happens, it becomes an even worse situation for both the other person and for you.  Being honest with other people will not only make you feel better about who you are, but you’ll gain more credibility and integrity in the view of everyone around you.  Not only that, but the more honest you are with others, the easier it will be to attract people to you who accept you for who you truly are and will make you feel the most comfortable about your true self.

Being consistently honest can be one of the most difficult rules to follow, not just for Quarterlifers, but for anyone.  There are many times when it requires making hard decisions for ourselves and for others around us.  However, if you learn to be as honest as possible in acknowledging your emotions, admitting and learning from your mistakes, and also being honest with others, you’ll see that honestly is a pretty effective compass that can help guide you to be the truest version of yourself.  The more honest you can be about yourself, the happier and more comfortable you will be with everything that you choose to be, do or have.