Rule #22: Explore Your Options

One of the more prominent blessings and curses about being a twentysomething in today’s world is how much choice is available on a daily basis.  From what to watch on TV, what kind of coffee to get in the morning, or what kind of cereal to buy in the grocery store, it can be a comforting yet daunting experience to have all of these options so readily available at our fingertips.  Too many choices can make us feel like the right option MUST be out there, but at the same time even more afraid that we can too easily make the wrong choice.  While most daily decisions like what shampoo to use in the shower might not be so affected by our internal concerns of how our decision will change us in the long term, it’s easy to become preoccupied by these thoughts when making larger life choices about our education, careers and relationships.  However, the more you explore your options and the world around you, the more it will help shape the person you know you want to be, as well as the person you know you don’t. 

While our parents and older generations sacrificed a lot to provide us with the opportunity to have the freedom of options, that has not necessarily made making choices for our future any easier. How do we know which options are the right ones for ourselves, and which ones don’t serve us in the best way possible?  The answer to that question will rarely come easy, but to make significant progress towards answering it for yourself means exploring every option you can, however and whenever possible.  Quarterlifers today are more fortunate than any previous generation to have more resources, freedom and capability to explore as many options as possible at this stage of life.  Our parents never had Facebook, Google, Amazon.com, Match.com, Skype, Wikipedia, or any of the other amazing tools so readily available to us that expand and connect our world so rapidly.  The advantage of being in your twenties with these tools available is that you can use the energy, freedom, creativity and enthusiasm that comes with being a Twentysomething to explore more of your world, no matter how close or how far.

Although it should be encouraged for anyone who can to explore as many options as possible, it’s also good to do this in a healthy and grounded way so that you don’t become overwhelmed with the weight of how much is out there to pursue.  It’s now become cliché to say “With great power comes great responsibility,” but with freedom of choice there is a responsibility to be aware of how any given option or choice can impact you personally.  For example, if you are unhappy with your job and want to explore other avenues, check out what’s out there without making any hasty decisions you may regret later, like quitting unexpectedly to try your hand at something you have no experience with.  Engage in informational interviews, read a book on other professions, seek out opportunities on the Internet to volunteer or network with other people in other industries.  Exploring your options in a way that’s sensible will not only help you know what path you may or may not want to pursue, but it will also build your confidence for when you are ready to make that jump.  It won’t always work out the way you hope it to be every time you try and explore something new, but at least you can use those experiences to learn from and make you stronger for when you are ready to choose what you know is the right decision for you.

It may seem paradoxical to think that the plethora of choices and options that many Quarterlifers have these days can feel paralyzing, but that freedom of choice is often accompanied by a sense of pressure that we sometimes unnecessarily place on ourselves that leads us to second guess how beneficial each decision we make is to us individually and to those around us.  Ultimately, no one else can ever give you an accurate prediction or honest answer as to how any given choice will make your life better or worse, but what you can do for yourself is give yourself the permission and the freedom to explore every option that you have the ability to at any given moment.  There are surprises around every corner, but until you go searching for them they may always remain hidden and waiting to be found.  If you take the time to explore your world and all of the options and choices around you, with your heart and intuition as your guide, then you may find that one of those surprises around the corner might be what you’ve been searching for all along.

Rule #21: Change is Always Possible

If you’re a twentysomething that has been fortunate enough to attend college, there’s a good chance that you may have changed your field of study or major when you were a student. Maybe you realized that your initial chosen major was too difficult, not suited to your strengths or interests, too boring or you just realized it wasn’t what you wanted to do for the rest of your life. And if you didn’t happen to change, you might be someone who might have wished they had when they had the chance.  Since it’s common for people to change majors so frequently in college these days, it’s not surprising that many of today’s twentysomethings enter the workforce, in or out of their studied profession, realize that their career path is not quite what they expected, and are looking for a change.  For any number of reasons, your career path (like your first unsuccessful major) might not be suited to who you are and where you want to be.  However, as you enter life after college and assume a number of new responsibilities, change isn’t as easy as going to a college advisor and filling out a form.  The good news is that as a relatively early life stage, Quarterlife is a great time to not only find how to guide the direction of your own path but also to make changes and take the risks that, although never easy, can be potentially life changing in abundantly positive ways.

Quarterlifers yearn for responsibility and freedom, but with that can also come the misguided belief that their life choices that are made in their twenties are hard-set and limit the ability to take chances that will affect whatever progress has already been made in your adult life.  From various pressures coming from societal norms, familial expectations, increased professional responsibilities and other sources, twentysomethings tend to feel that they have to grow up faster than they may feel ready to, and accept the responsibilities of adulthood before exploring other life options.  This leads to attitudes that it might be too late to start a new venture, get a degree or that we should be concerned about other things like starting a family, saving more money or looking for a permanent job or career.  Although these are important considerations to factor into future plans, it is just as important to reflect on how these attitudes might be holding you back from taking a chance now that you might not be able to take 5, 10 or 15 years from now when you most likely will have commitments and responsibilities that carry greater weight in your life.

When deciding what you can change in your life and how to change it, what you ultimately need is a good mix of patience, determination, strong will and courage.  Approaching change in your life means taking an inventory of what you can and cannot change at any given moment and taking those small, initial steps to get you moving on the right path.  This can be done no matter what change you want to enact in your life.  Whether it’s a major decision like pursuing a new career path, or a minor one like trying to live a healthier lifestyle; all change requires taking that first step, and slowly building the momentum to bring about the true lasting change you desire.  If you want a new career, set up a time to talk with someone who works in that field or call your college alumni office to see if there are any connections you can make.  If you want to be healthier and exercise more, take a 20 minute walk during your lunch break at work.  No matter what your circumstances are, there is never any excuse to not take that first step.  Change never comes easy, but as a Quarterlifer you are at a uniquely fortunate time of life where almost nothing is certain and just about anything that you want to achieve is in your control.  It just means having the courage to approach it with your whole heart leading you.

During our Quarterlife years, there is often a yearning to challenge oneself to explore and push as many boundaries that exist and find our deepest fulfillments and dreams.  Life, however, doesn’t always provide us with the circumstances that will allow us to pursue all of those dreams at the moment we want them.  Twentysomething life is a true balancing act between gaining your footing towards adulthood while not letting your heart get lost along the way.  No matter where you find yourself in life there will always be responsibilities to yourself and to others, which can become easy excuses not to change the circumstances that are completely in your control.  Change is always possible, and while you don’t have to drop everything to climb the highest mountain in front of you, there are no steps too big or too small that you can’t take right now that will lead you on the path to lasting fulfillment. 

A Long Overdue Return

Hello readers!

After a longer than anticipated hiatus, The Quarterlife Rules will be returning on a regular basis starting in the New Year!!

I have some exciting ideas I hope to roll out in 2012, including a new look for the site and some other extras.

Thank you, as always, for your loyal readership and I look forward to the exciting year ahead!

Rule #20: Follow Your Passion

One of the main reasons that many twentysomethings tend to develop a feeling of being “stuck” in their Quarterlife years is because they don’t feel a sense of passion about what they’re doing with their lives and the direction they’re heading.  A lot of us enter the “real world” with grand dreams of ultimate success and happiness and a positive expectation about our careers and lives ahead of us, yet it’s very common to ultimately experience a sense of disillusionment when we don’t reach a place of fulfillment with what we’re doing or where we’re going.  Regarding many aspects of life, It’s common to hear many twentysomethings say “I just want to find something I’m truly passionate about,” yet they don’t know where to start looking.  Fortunately, there are countless ways to find and pursue everything that you are passionate about, and all it takes is a bit of courage and dedication to take the steps to follow what’s in your heart. Finding what you are truly passionate about can be a real challenge, but not a challenge that’s impossible to overcome.  Sometimes fully pursuing your passion is seen as a negative thing, since many young and idealistic people are told that it’s often not practical.  It’s common for many twentysomethings to be told that taking care of the sensible realities of life should be a priority.  Meaning, pay the bills first and then hopefully you can have the opportunity and freedom to follow your dreams.  While the realities of this are sometimes unavoidable, what better time to at least explore your opportunities and passions than when you’re in your twenties? With enough determination and patience, you can gain the courage to pursue all of your hopes and dreams and passions, no matter how big or small they may be.

Every person can find something they're passionate about.  Something that gets them excited, breathless and makes their heart pound.  Whether it exists in their current lives or not, everyone is looking for something that gets them anxious to get out of bed in the morning.  It can be a job, a goal, a hobby, an area of expertise, or maybe another person in their lives or even a pet.  There are many things in life to be passionate about, and the first step in finding what they are for you is to use your heart and imagination to help you acknowledge your dreams.  Start thinking big, and then you can work your way down to find smaller and more practical ways to pursue those dreams.  A good first question to ask yourself is “If I didn’t have to worry about money ever again, what would I do?”  Write a list of all of the answers you can think of.  It might be a particular job, or a place you want to travel, or a new skill you want to learn.  Think of every possibility, big and small, of what you would do, where you would go, the people you would surround yourself with if there were no restraints of time, money or excuses.  While it’s probably not realistic to set your initial goals on accomplishing everything on your list in the immediate future, a lot of the answers to this question can lead you in the direction that your heart wants to take you, and that’s the key to finding your passion.

Once you’ve acknowledged your dreams and passions, then you have a starting point from which to begin pursuing them.  In order to reach your ultimate dreams and fully live by all of your passions, start by taking small steps and forming small, attainable goals so that you don’t easily get discouraged.  For example, if one of your dreams were to pursue a completely new career or professional field, get a book and research that field or talk to someone who has the kind of job you’d be interested in.  Let’s say you’re passionate about learning how to play a new instrument.  Then start by signing up for just one lesson and go from there.  Maybe if you had no constraints in your life you would want to focus on helping others.  A great step to take would to start volunteering in your community, even if it’s just an hour a week.  It’s really just as easy as doing what you enjoy doing when you can enjoy doing it, and taking every opportunity to explore new possibilities and take new chances.  As you continue to take small steps, achieve more and more goals, and enjoy yourself while doing so, you will see new opportunities and paths towards fulfillment of your dreams and passions opening up before you.

Finding and following your passions is often misjudged and misunderstood by some people as something that is too risky, impractical and unreasonable to live your life by.  For every person who has wanted to live a life that they are truly passionate about and isn’t, they probably haven’t taken the time to think about what that life would really look like and mean to them.  Living your life according to your passions and dreams doesn’t mean you need to (or realistically can) drop everything at this moment and pursue your dream life at all costs and sacrifices.  But what it does mean is that you need to have the courage to step-by-step realize the life that you have the potential to really be living, and there’s no better time to start doing that than when you’re in your twenties.  As Walt Disney once said, “All of your dreams can come true, if you have the courage to pursue them.”  A life following your passion is simply one that is enjoyed by taking chances to follow where your heart is leading you.  Finding and following your passion doesn’t just mean you’re determined to reach an ultimate destination, but also making sure to enjoy the journey along the way. 

Rule #19: Live a Healthy Lifestyle

Living a healthy lifestyle when you’re in your twenties is probably one of the most obvious, simplest and practical rules to live by, but it’s also one of the most underappreciated and ignored.  Most Quarterlifers are too preoccupied and consumed with school, work, and social obligations to consciously monitor or improve their physical, mental and emotional health.  As a busy young professional or student, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and worn down by all of the external forces that we deal with on a daily basis, but the best preventative strategy against stress and sickness is to make sure we take care of our body, mind and heart.  The best thing about living a healthy lifestyle is that it’s one of the easiest rules to follow and if you develop a few simple habits to help take care of your health, then eventually you won’t even have to consciously put in too much effort to always feel great and perform at your highest level.

A common misconception about living healthy is that it takes a lot of added thought, work and effort, which many twentysomethings feel like they can’t afford in a busy lifestyle.  If you want to live out a dream of being a professional athlete, then you might need to make a few drastic changes and serious commitments. For the rest of us, getting and staying healthy doesn’t mean you need to dramatically change your lifestyle by going on a strict diet and hitting the gym everyday.  Of course eating right and exercising when you can is a pretty great way to stay healthy, but really the easiest and most effective way to keep yourself in good mental, physical and emotional shape is by making healthy choices.  In all aspects of our life we have choices- where to live, where to work, what to do in our free time, etc.  However, sometimes we don’t think about our choices and when trying to be healthy, it can be easy to make the wrong ones.  As busy and preoccupied as you may be, all it takes to be healthy without making dramatic changes in your lifestyle is by simply choosing healthier alternatives in your daily life.  Choose the healthier option when you go out to eat, choose not to have “just one more drink” when you’re out at the bar, choose to go for a walk or a jog on the weekend instead of catching up on TV.  It’s always hard at first to get in the habit of doing anything, but little by little if you start making better and healthier choices, eventually it will become a daily habit and routine in every part of your life.

Being healthy all starts with making the right choices, but there are also many other practical and simple ways to help you feel at your best.  The key is the make it fun and easy, and less like a chore.  There are many resources available to help you stay healthy- most of which don’t cost any money- so no matter how busy and preoccupied you may be with the stresses of daily life, there is often no excuse to make at least a few smart choices in your day.  Here are just a few examples of simple ways that can effortlessly be adapted into any lifestyle to help you stay healthy:

- Get enough sleep: Unfortunately for a lot of busy twentysomethings, sleep is often underrated and ignored which can cause a lot of unnecessary health problems.  If you get a sufficient amount of sleep, you’ll be more energetic, focused and productive throughout your day.  If you think you’re not getting enough sleep, force yourself to go to bed a few minutes early, or (if you can afford the time) set your alarm for a few minutes later than normal in the morning.  Getting enough sleep is the best way to fight off illness and is the first and most important step in staying healthy.

- Take advantage of your health benefits: If you have health insurance (and now if you’re under 26 you can be on your parents’ insurance plan), you should take advantage of it as much as you can and go to the doctor/dentist/etc on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, a lot of people (especially new, young professionals) who have health benefits are not always explained what you can and cannot do with your health plan.  It’s to your best advantage to first choose a good plan that you can afford, and then make sure you understand what you are entitled to with your benefits. With most health insurance plans, you can get quite a lot of health support for whatever you need- from minor illnesses, to physical checkups, medications and even mental health support if you need it- often at little to no extra cost beyond what you already contribute to your coverage. 

- Make exercise a social activity: Sometimes the hardest part about incorporating exercise into our day is doing it alone.  The solution to this is to make exercise a more social activity.  Schedule regular runs, walks or hikes with friends so that you have an easy excuse to exercise more.  It’s a can be a great alternative to meeting for a meal or drinks and will make both of you feel great.  Also join or start sports clubs at work.  Start a hiking club or form a sports (softball and dodgeball are always popular) team or league at your company.  Make it fun and competitive.  It’s a great way to get to know your colleagues and also foster corporate teamwork.

- Take classes at your gym: If you belong to a gym, sometimes it can be hard to motivate yourself to get out the door or spend an hour before or after work to hit the treadmill or the exercise bike.  However, most gym memberships let you take various exercise and fitness classes for free, and they’re offered at all times of the day.  If you’re the type of person who works best on a schedule, find a class at a convenient time and force yourself to go just once and see how you enjoy it.  Not only will attending regular classes keep you on a schedule and give you a reason to go to the gym at a specific time and day, but it’s also a great opportunity to be social at the gym and meet other active people.

- Make small changes in your diet: There are a lot of people who believe that eating right, losing weight and staying healthy means adhering to a strict and rigorous diet.  On the contrary, that can often be the problem and not the solution.  The simple solution is just to make small and simple changes in your daily diet choices.  For example, choose water instead of soda or alcohol at lunch; have wheat bread instead of white on your sandwich; only eat until you’re full instead of feeling obligated to clear your plate; and most importantly, always eat something in the morning, as breakfast really is the most important meal of the day.  You don’t have to stop eating things you enjoy, just make the healthy choice in your diet every now and then.

It’s not an understatement to say that living healthfully can be the most important thing we can do for ourselves to help us be at our best.  The ripple effect of maintaining a healthy lifestyle can be pretty astounding.  If we take care of our bodies and minds and make smart, healthy choices then it’s amazing how easy it is to be stress-free, illness-free, energetic and motivated in our daily lives.  No matter how overwhelmed you might be at this point in your life, if you focus taking care of yourself first and live a healthy lifestyle, then you’ll be even more prepared, willing and eager to take on any challenge that comes your way.

Rule #18: Be Honest

One of the most natural human qualities (especially in our current society) is to be dishonest, both individually and with others.  We do this for any number of reasons, sometimes as a defense mechanism, sometimes to conform to others’ standards, sometimes out of fear and sometimes because we’re not completely comfortable with the person that we genuinely are.  For twentysomethings, there are many aspects of life where we are not completely sure of ourselves or what others expect of us, so we often tend to avoid, ignore or distort the truth about who we truly are in order to become who we think we need to become to be successful and happy in our lives.  While this may be an okay strategy in the short term, eventually what will happen is there will come a moment when you’ll realize that the life you’re building and the path your traveling down is not faithful to your true self.  This will eventually lead to disappointment and a lack of fulfillment in your life.  If you really want to strive towards happiness, success and fulfillment in the long term (and the short term, too), you have to start with honesty.  As kids, most of us were taught that “Honesty is the best policy,” and there are plenty of reasons why this is true.  If you get in the habit of always being honest with yourself and with others, then you’ll find it to be the easiest and the best guidance system to follow to help you get the most out of your Quarterlife years.

The most important aspect of using honesty to your full advantage is to first be honest with yourself at all times.  A big key to being honest with yourself is to always be aware of and acknowledge your emotions.  Trust your instincts when something does or doesn’t feel right. Know your limits and your boundaries, and be honest about when to stay within them and when to push past them. You can’t force a square peg into a round hole, so don’t feel you have to put yourself into any situation that you don’t feel comfortable about.  At the same time, if something does feel right, acknowledge that feeling and pursue it. Whether you’re feeling fear, joy, trepidation, happiness, excitement or any emotion about a person, situation or a choice you face, your emotions will help guide you in the right direction.  You just need to learn to not ignore or avoid those emotions, and instead be honest and okay with them and let them serve you in a positive way.  The only right choice in any decision is the one that’s best for you, so if you make the choice based on your honest emotions, it’s pretty hard to make the wrong one.

While our emotions can help us to remain true in our decisions, no one makes the right choice every time.  A large part of being honest with yourself also means admitting your mistakes when you do make the wrong choice.  This can often be painful since part of being a twentysomething means making a lot of mistakes! You don’t have to dwell on them, but once you can admit your mistakes you can learn from them and move on.  Everyone makes incorrect choices now and then, but it’s how we react to them that will determine whether they will make us stronger or weaker.  If you’re honest with yourself about your mistakes, then you’ll know what to do to ensure that you don’t make them again in the future.

Honesty isn’t just an important rule to follow with yourself, but it can be just as important to follow with others as well.  There are many instances when we might think it’s better to hide some aspects of ourselves or lie to others and tell them what we think they want to hear or be who we think they want us to be.  This can be in any situation, like on a job interview, on a date, or maybe in situations with roommates or friends.  We tell ourselves that it might be easier or more advantageous (for us and for them) to lie or hide the truth, but eventually the truth always seems to come out one way or another.  When that happens, it becomes an even worse situation for both the other person and for you.  Being honest with other people will not only make you feel better about who you are, but you’ll gain more credibility and integrity in the view of everyone around you.  Not only that, but the more honest you are with others, the easier it will be to attract people to you who accept you for who you truly are and will make you feel the most comfortable about your true self.

Being consistently honest can be one of the most difficult rules to follow, not just for Quarterlifers, but for anyone.  There are many times when it requires making hard decisions for ourselves and for others around us.  However, if you learn to be as honest as possible in acknowledging your emotions, admitting and learning from your mistakes, and also being honest with others, you’ll see that honestly is a pretty effective compass that can help guide you to be the truest version of yourself.  The more honest you can be about yourself, the happier and more comfortable you will be with everything that you choose to be, do or have.

Rule #17: Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help

When you go through life in your twenties, it’s often a rollercoaster of the high points of feeling like you “have it all together,” and the low points of feeling totally helpless and alone.  Part of twentysomething life means making a few mistakes every now and then, and some mistakes might be bigger than others.  For most of us, these mistakes can be hard to swallow, and even harder to admit to others like our friends and family.  As we’re constantly trying to prove to ourselves and to everyone around us that we do have complete control in our lives, when we do occasionally fall we’re reluctant to appear vulnerable and ask for support when we might need it most.  Many twentysomethings are often so focused on themselves and how they appear to others, that it can be easy to remain stubborn and refuse to show any weakness.  While it might be hard at times to show weakness and vulnerability by asking for help and support from those around you, if you do ask for help and support when you need it the most (and even when you don’t), you’ll find that not only do you have a wealth of people around you eager to help you through the difficult times, but also that you are not unique in struggling through the ups and downs of Quarterlife.  No matter how strong and confident you might be in your life, even the strongest people can’t always do it alone.  As the saying goes, “you can’t get what you don’t ask for,” and if you’re not afraid to ask for help in the good times and the bad, not only will life in your twenties be easier but it will also be more fulfilling and rewarding knowing you had help from others to encourage you to be at your best.

Although at times twentysomethings may be reluctant to draw upon it, one of the best and most reliable resources for help and support is our parents.  Through our teenage and college years, we spend a lot of time trying to prove we can be independent from our parents and can oftentimes be stubborn in the pursuit of that independence.  In your twenties, however, when many of us do gain some semblance of freedom and independence, you can often find yourself torn between feeling like you can do it all on your own and feeling totally helpless.  When you do need help and support, it might feel a little embarrassing to admit to your parents that you don’t have it all together as much as you tried to prove it to them. Luckily for most of us, our parents will always be the first ones to help us when we need it most and also the people least likely to judge us when we do make mistakes.  While they probably can’t fully sympathize and understand with everything you’re experiencing, they most likely have experienced some of your same trials and tribulations when they were in their twenties and will want to help make it easier for you in any way that they can. Even if you don’t happen to have the best relationship with your parents, find the closest mentor or parental figure you do have nearby.  It might be a former professor, a co-worker or even your boss.  The least you’ll get is some helpful wisdom from those who have been in your shoes before and can help guide you on your way.  Whether it’s emotional, financial or psychological support we need, we might not always get exactly the help we are looking for from our parents, but for most twentysomethings our parents will often be the most willing and eager support system we can rely on for help when we need it the most.

The other major resource that can be invaluable in times when you need advice and assistance is from your fellow Quarterlifers. While it might be difficult at times to ask your parents for help and support, for many twentysomethings it can be even tougher to ask for the help and support of your peers.  Many times we don’t want to reveal our weaker sides to our friends and colleagues and also might be afraid to ask for help for fear of rejection, and in fear that it might burden them or turn them away. However, what you’re most likely to find is someone who can sympathize with you more than anyone else can, and is willing to help you out or at least lend an open ear to your troubles.  Most often, they are going through the same stresses that you are and want someone to identify with and who can sympathize with them, too.  For the most part, the problems that Quarterlifers are facing are common to one another, and who better to ask for help from than someone experiencing the same ups and downs that you are.  If you have the courage to be honest and ask for help from a peer, not only will you feel better about your situation, but also both of you will feel better knowing that you are not alone with your problems.  In many cases, knowing we are not alone is all that we need to give us the motivation to move past our down moments.

In finding our way in our Quarterlife years, it’s important to strike a balance between knowing when we can face our toughest moments completely on our own and when we might need some help along the way.  It’s not always easy to reveal our vulnerabilities to others in those times of need, but it’s also good to remember in those times that we’re all human and that no one person has all the right answers.  Sometimes we need a helping hand to get us over some of the speed bumps we encounter in life, but that help won’t always come to us on its own.  Reaching out for help in the times when you can’t or don’t want to be alone in your struggles will show you that you are never truly alone, and will bring out the inner strength that you may never have found without the support of those who are willing to help you the most.  All you have to do is ask!