Rule #12: Have Fun!

When most people reach a certain stage adulthood, they either accept the belief or are told to believe that you need to start taking life seriously and put the days of fun and no worries behind you.  Life should now be focused on responsibility for yourself and for those around you.  When we reach our quarterlife years, it is true that we will take on a lot more responsibilities (some bigger than others) for ourselves and for others, but there is often a lost message that’s a pretty important one.  The message that encourages you to have fun and enjoy the journey and these years before even greater responsibility comes your way.  In your twenties, you will gain a lot more responsibility but at the same time you will also have more freedom than you probably will at any other point in your life.  If you take advantage of that freedom by doing your best to enjoy yourself and everything that you’re doing in whatever way you can, then you will find greater fulfillment not only in what you’re experiencing as a twentysomething, but also fulfillment in whatever you do the rest of your life.

Think about all of the best moments when you were younger - the ones that were the most fulfilling and rewarding.  I bet that for most of you, they were moments when you were having fun and just being a kid.  Playing little league, taking dance classes, playing video games, spending time with friends.  Most of the things you were best at and most gratifying when you were a kid were often activities you had fun doing.  Maybe for some of you that even included doing your math homework.  If you were good at math, you probably enjoyed doing it!  It’s really not that different when you are in your twenties, but some of the things you find enjoyable, gratifying and fun have most likely changed.  While your definition of enjoyment and fun has changed, the principle remains the same.  If you do what you enjoy, you will get greater fulfillment out of it and have a better quality of life overall.  Now, this doesn’t mean you should go out and be reckless and irresponsible if that’s your definition of fun.  But the principle should apply to many of the other areas of your life.  Live in a city you enjoy and appreciate.  Hang out with the friends you have fun with and who enjoy your company.  Find a career or job that you can find some aspect of enjoyment from, whether it’s specifically at your job or making sure the job allows you to enjoy yourself outside of work hours.  There is no law that says you can’t have fun doing something worthwhile and productive.  In fact if you’re NOT having fun, you probably won’t do as good of a job with it anyway. 

Entering into our quarterlife years, sometimes we can get consumed with our daily responsibilities that we can forget how to enjoy ourselves, or don’t know how to incorporate having fun into our everyday lives.  A good place to start is to make a list of all of the things you enjoy doing most, then use that to brainstorm activities, hobbies and jobs that you might want to pursue.  You don’t have to immediately change your job because you’re not having fun at it, but if you even just take one day a week to focus on doing something that you enjoy, whether it’s a sport, hobby, volunteer activity or whatever, you’ll see that consciously making an effort to enjoy yourself when you can will bring immense benefits to everything around you.  Wherever you live and whatever you do, there is always a time and a place that will allow you to have fun and enjoy yourself in the midst of your other responsibilities.

In the midst of our daily twentysomething lives, we can often get caught up in what we “should” be doing rather than what we “could” or want to be doing.  In the transition to adulthood, and with all of the responsibilities that accompany it, we sometimes forget that it’s okay to have fun and enjoy yourself even as your adult responsibilities may make it seem like it’s impossible to do otherwise.  If you remember to consciously make an effort to find time to enjoy yourself and have fun, not only in your spare time but also in whatever you’re doing (work, school, etc) than the pressures and responsibilities will seemingly decrease only because they won’t seem like burdens on your life.  It may not always be possible to make everything into a fun experience, but the moments you can find enjoyment from will be the most effortless and memorable experiences you might have in your life.  You’re never too young to have fun, but you can grow too old to wish you had enjoyed yourself more when you were younger.  Choosing to have fun when you can in your twenties will not only make your life easier and more enjoyable, but you’ll also find that you’ll be truly following the wants, wishes, passions and desires of your heart that will make your life more and more fulfilling each and every day.

Rule #11: (Sorta) Listen to Your Parents

Growing up, most of us were often subjected to the rules, wisdom, insight and authority of our parents as they supported, sustained and developed us into capable adults.  The influence our parents had on us (good or bad) throughout our lives as children and teenagers cannot be denied and will continue to have an influence on us throughout our quarterlife years.  As you struggle to form your own adult identity and independence in your twenties, it can be a challenge for both yourself and your parents to balance how their influence will continue to shape you as an individual.  While you’re growing up you may be naive in knowing whether or not your parents know what’s really best for you, but when you become an independent twentysomething adult you can make an informed and individual choice about who to be rather than make choices strictly based on what others want for you.  Our parents will always want to support us to help us be at our best, but in our twenties it’s ultimately it’s up to ourselves to decide how their influence will help us get the most out of our lives.

Relationships with your parents can be one of the most rocky, emotional and rewarding relationships we have in our lives, sometimes even more in our twenties than in our tumultuous teenage years when we were first struggling to gain any independence from them that we could.  It is also a time when we come to understand our parents a little bit more.  We gain some of the responsibilities that they carry, so we obtain a new sense of understanding why they are they way they are sometimes and we can sympathize with their adult experiences for the first time.  For many Quarterlifers, it’s also the first time when you can face full independence from your parents, in many aspects.  It might be the first time you’re living on your own, making your own money that you can support yourself with, or even supporting a family of your own.  Along with this new freedom comes a lot of new responsibility and choices.  With independence comes bills and rent to pay, groceries to buy, dinner to cook, taxes to file.  There are a lot of new challenges you might face and it’s in these times when your parents help and support is always most welcome.  When we need a helping hand, our parents will hopefully be the first ones to extend one, so if they do, don’t be afraid to take it.  It’s in these times when they do have more wisdom and knowledge from experience than we do, so it’s better to be accepting rather than stubborn.  Just make sure to be thank them for the help!

Dealing with your parents during your quarterlife years can also be a struggle because there are often times when they may think they know what’s best for you a little TOO much.  A lot of parents have their own vision for what they want us to become when we reach adulthood, and this can be frustrating to deal with sometimes.  Your parents might want you to follow a specific career, live in a particular city, and date a certain type of person.  More often than not, our own vision for our lives is usually different.  We probably want to work a different job, live in a different city and have a different lifestyle than the one that our parents imagine for us and often this can lead to conflict.  When it comes to the pressure and stress you might receive from your parents, use your own judgment as to how to deal with it.  What’s important to realize is that our parents don’t want us to make the same mistakes that they may have made, or any mistakes for that matter.  However, you need to make mistakes in order to discover your own value of right and wrong and know what is best for yourself.  This doesn’t mean you have to always reject what your parents advise you to do, but it does mean that you are the only one who ultimately makes the choice.  Our parents only want the best for us, so value their advice.  You don’t always have to follow it because at the end of the day only you know what’s best for yourself.  In the end, no matter what choice you make, they’ll always be there to support you.  If you make a decision based on fear of what someone else might think, then that’s always the wrong one.

It’s also important to keep in mind that our parents are of a different generation, and they probably didn’t have it as easy (or as hard) and twentysomethings have it these days.  Most of our parents and adults of former generations got married younger, started families earlier, stayed with jobs longer and might not have had the freedom to pursue passions or careers that many young people do these days.  Our parents have made a lot of sacrifices for us, but instead of feeling pressured to honor those sacrifices by being what they may want you to become, take advantage of those sacrifices by being what YOU want to become.  When that happens, it will reward every sacrifice your parents have ever made for you, and both you and your parents will see that in the end. 

When we enter independent adulthood in our twenties, which usually involves breaking away from our parents in a multitude of ways (financially, residentially, influentially, etc), it can be a liberating and also scary experience.  There will be many times when we want the comfort of their support and guidance, and all we can hope is that it will be there whenever and wherever we need it.  However, it’s also a time when you must embrace the influence that your parents had on you throughout your formative years, and use it to formulate a version of yourself that both your parents and you as an individual can be proud of.  It may lead to some disagreements and conflicts at times, but the best way to honor your parents is to honor the best version of yourself that they helped you become.

Rule #10: Don't Compare Yourself To Others

If there is one thing that can never be debated about living life in your twenties, it’s that no two people will ever have the same experience.  In high school and college, you may attend the same schools, take the same classes, get the same test scores, play the same sports, or have the same friends as someone else, but at some point that will change.  Inevitably, you will leave the controlled environment of school and head out into the “real world” where a million different factors will make your life unique from everyone else’s and shape your twentysomething experience.  As you head down your own individual path, it’s common to look around at other people your age and compare yourself to others who don’t appear to be much different than you are, and are at a point in their lives that may be quite different than the point you’re at.  It just so happens that in our twenties this tends to be the root of some of our greatest insecurities.  It’s in our nature to compare ourselves to others, but if you learn to focus on yourself and not worry about where others are in their lives, then you’ll find that there is a lot more to appreciate about what’s already all around you.

For most twentysomethings, you’re at a point in life when you are struggling to figure out your individuality and your own path ahead, and it can be easy to look around and appear as if everyone else around you “has it together.”  It will happen at times that you will see peers your own age (or even younger) gain notoriety, wealth or success before you.  Sometimes it may even appear that they gained that success by not working as hard as you, or by not paying the dues you might be paying to get ahead.  This can lead to feelings of depression, lack of motivation and an overall feeling that you might be “doing something wrong.”  During these times you might feel frustrated and dejected because life is not exactly turning out as planned for you, but it appears to be working out great for others.   

What is important to realize is that the cause of all of these feelings are our own perceptions.  When things may not be going as we planned in our own lives we tend to look around and compare ourselves with our peers, and this can lead to feeling that a lot of other people don’t have the same problems that you do and are better off than you are.  The truth is that they DON’T have the same problems that you do, but in reality they probably have their own set of struggles and challenges that they are facing.  Let’s take work and careers for example.  Let’s say that you’ve been working really hard at your job for the past two years since you graduated college.  You haven’t moved too far up the ladder at your company, but recently you heard about a college friend of yours that in the same two years has advanced a lot farther at their company and are making double the salary that you are.  This can certainly be quite difficult to see that one of your peers is excelling a lot more rapidly than you are, and you might think that they’re doing something right and you must be doing something wrong.  However, that’s really your own perception.  Yes, they may have a better salary and a higher position at their company, but most likely they probably have challenges and problems that you are not aware of, or would even want.  They might have to work many more hours than anyone else and don’t have much of a social life.  Also they might be under a lot more pressure than you would want if you were in their position.  In many ways, they may even look at you in envy and think that you are more fortunate in what you have going at your job.  Unless you walk a day in their shoes, you’ll never fully understand what someone else’s life is truly like beyond their appearances.

It can be very difficult not to notice and compare ourselves to our peers and see where we are in our own lives compared to where they are.  At times it is tough to feel like we’re doing everything we can to be successful while it appears that others around us are gaining success quicker and more easily.  The solution is to just focus on yourself and do what you can to be content with your own life path.  If you feel like you might not be doing the right thing to get the success and happiness that others appear to have, maybe it’s a sign that you might need to make a change in your life, even if it’s a small one.  However you can motivate yourself to move closer towards your own happiness, then it won’t matter how others around you are doing.  We all have our own mountains to climb, but it just so happens that everyone takes a different route to get to the top.  Some routes may seem easier than others, but if you remain dedicated to your own path that you believe is the right one for you, eventually you’ll reach the peak.