Values are the ideals, principles and standards that are most important to us as individuals. Some examples of values include honesty, freedom, love, integrity, health, and many many others. Everyone has a long list of values, and each person has a set of unique values that define them. Most of the time, we don’t consciously think about our individual values or stop to really think about what our most important values are. The trouble that many twentysomethings face in our society these days is that we tend to think that we need to surround ourselves with people, work and things that will define who we are and what we value. However, the truth that is rarely acknowledged is that it should be the other way around. It should be your values and how you define yourself that determines who and what you surround yourself with to bring you personal fulfillment.
Defining your values is an important aspect to life in your twenties because it’s basically a way to set your own rules in all aspects of your life. Take work for example. Defining your values isn’t just important in just determining the right job for you, but also the right career path. A lot of times we don’t choose our jobs or careers based on our values, but based on many other factors like money, parental pressure, prestige, or college major, to name a few examples. The problem is that unless you value any of these things, you most likely won’t be happy with your job or career choice. If you choose a career based on your values, all of the other factors like money, prestige and most importantly happiness, will follow. While it may be difficult to withstand pressure from outside forces, only you yourself can decide what you value and what will make you happy in your chosen profession.
Values are also important when choosing relationships. When it comes to finding relationships based on your values, it’s to your benefit to surround yourself with people who complement and encourage your individual values. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone with conflicting values, it’s likely you’ll often clash with that person. For example, if you value honesty more than anything in a relationship, but your partner feels that boundaries and privacy are more important than honesty, then it’s likely that those values of boundaries and honesty will come into conflict, and will probably cause trouble at some point. Just because one person holds a particular set of values doesn’t mean that you will have the same ones. When it comes to values, everyone is an individual. If you surround yourself with people who can support and complement your own values, you’re more than likely to have a long lasting and successful relationship with that person as well as further develop your own individuality.
Really examining and defining your values is a foreign and difficult task when you are in your twenties because there haven’t been many times in your life when you’ve really thought about what’s important and defines you, and what you want to define you for the rest of your life. Also, as your lifestyle undergoes dramatic changes, so will your values. Maybe in college you valued having an active social life above all else, or maybe you valued the freedom of setting your own schedule and having a lot of free time. But now, with a job, an apartment of your own, more work hours or study hours, it’s more likely that your values have changed. You probably value more privacy, having a bit more structure and enjoying the more limited free time you have as much as possible.
Finding out what you value most is really quite simple, but does take some honest and dedicated reflection. One way to define your values is to take a look at various aspects of your life (work, relationships, social life, etc) and ask yourself what is most important to you about those aspects. Think about what a perfect job or relationship or living space means to you, or what you would need to be truly happy in any area of your life. Another good way to find your values are to find out what you DON’T like or won’t tolerate about the different aspects of your life, and think about the opposite. Those opposite feelings are usually the values you have. For example, if you hate it when people are dishonest, it means that you value honesty. If you hate being bored, it means one of your core values is having variety and adventure in your life.
As you learn more about yourself, you’ll learn more about what your true values are and what personally makes you happy. What’s important to remember as this happens is that you should keep your values in mind as you form them, so that when it comes time to make an important decision then you will continually ask yourself what choice will adhere to what you value most. As with most things about twentysomething life, values will change as your life constantly will, but if you can start to find your values and stick with them, then you will have a pretty accurate compass that will help guide you down a happy and successful path.
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