Rule #23: Have a Positive and Optimistic Attitude

If you’re a current Quarterlifer, it’s easy to look at the atmosphere in today’s world and be a bit discouraged and pessimistic.  The economy isn’t at its strongest, the job market is pretty rough for many people in their twenties, it’s tougher these days to finance higher education and it’s taking longer for young adults to gain full independence than ever before.  Having someone tell you to “look on the bright side of things” can feel pretty glib and superficial when you don’t always have control over some of the circumstances negatively affecting your life.  As difficult as it may seem, however, having a positive and optimistic mindset about any current situation in your life can have plenty of great effects that can lead you on the path to positive change. 

More often than not, when we look at a negative situation facing us, it’s easier to think of ourselves as the victim and think that any bad circumstances that come our way is unfair, whether it is in our control or not.  When you lose a job, break up with a significant other or find yourself in tough financial times, it’s hard to turn our thoughts away from the pain that these events cause us at that moment.  No one can predict what the future will bring, but what we can control is how we reframe and react to these situations in the present moment.

It’s hard to think ahead to how you will feel about a current situation in the future, but think back to the past to a time when you experienced a hardship.  Looking back now, think about how going through that hardship has changed your life today.  What lessons did you learn?  Do you feel like a stronger person now for going through that experience?  Even from the most difficult circumstances in the past can we learn a lesson that will make us a stronger person today and in the future.  It does take time for wounds to heal, but we can experience our greatest growth if we learn to see all experiences in our twenties as positive opportunities to learn from, rather than a burden on what’s to come.  There are few life experiences during our Quarterlife years that we can’t recover from.  The key is to take an alternative viewpoint and be self-aware when those experiences occur and see how you can grow from them so that we become stronger in the future.

Having a positive and optimistic attitude can also have more immediate effects in your day-to-day life, as well.  For example, in the workplace you may find that your colleagues, co-workers and supervisors will not always treat you with the respect you may have earned or deserve, but they are more likely to be amenable and helpful if you have a more positive attitude in the office.  And when you’re faced with tasks at work that may seem below your aptitude level, or unexciting and unfulfilling, just think about how you can learn from that task or how you might be benefiting a larger goal and team effort and learning about what you do or don’t like about that particular job.  It may not make the task any more exciting, but from these experiences you will develop your greatest strengths if you use them as a positive growth tool.  The same goes for other difficult situations that you may deal with on a daily basis, as well, like struggling relationships, problems with money, health issues, etc.

Life in your twenties is filled with moments where we wish things would go differently, but it is those moments that help move us forward through our lives.  That’s why they’re called growing pains and not growing pleasures.  It is completely natural to feel disappointed, discouraged and disillusioned when things don’t go the way we completely hope that they would.  It’s completely normal and healthy to acknowledge that things aren’t going so well and feel bad about that, and there is never time when you should ignore those feelings.  When you do experience setbacks as we travel down our own paths, you can choose to either react in a negative way moving forward, or you can choose to think positively and take away all of the positive lessons that will help you grow into a more mature and emotionally informed adult.  Not only will looking at the world in a more positive and optimistic way help you to grow into a more confident individual, but it will also change how the world responds to you.  In our current world where learning to adapt quickly is more important than ever, having a positive and optimistic attitude will help lead to a beneficial outcome to any obstacles you have to overcome.

Rule #22: Explore Your Options

One of the more prominent blessings and curses about being a twentysomething in today’s world is how much choice is available on a daily basis.  From what to watch on TV, what kind of coffee to get in the morning, or what kind of cereal to buy in the grocery store, it can be a comforting yet daunting experience to have all of these options so readily available at our fingertips.  Too many choices can make us feel like the right option MUST be out there, but at the same time even more afraid that we can too easily make the wrong choice.  While most daily decisions like what shampoo to use in the shower might not be so affected by our internal concerns of how our decision will change us in the long term, it’s easy to become preoccupied by these thoughts when making larger life choices about our education, careers and relationships.  However, the more you explore your options and the world around you, the more it will help shape the person you know you want to be, as well as the person you know you don’t. 

While our parents and older generations sacrificed a lot to provide us with the opportunity to have the freedom of options, that has not necessarily made making choices for our future any easier. How do we know which options are the right ones for ourselves, and which ones don’t serve us in the best way possible?  The answer to that question will rarely come easy, but to make significant progress towards answering it for yourself means exploring every option you can, however and whenever possible.  Quarterlifers today are more fortunate than any previous generation to have more resources, freedom and capability to explore as many options as possible at this stage of life.  Our parents never had Facebook, Google, Amazon.com, Match.com, Skype, Wikipedia, or any of the other amazing tools so readily available to us that expand and connect our world so rapidly.  The advantage of being in your twenties with these tools available is that you can use the energy, freedom, creativity and enthusiasm that comes with being a Twentysomething to explore more of your world, no matter how close or how far.

Although it should be encouraged for anyone who can to explore as many options as possible, it’s also good to do this in a healthy and grounded way so that you don’t become overwhelmed with the weight of how much is out there to pursue.  It’s now become cliché to say “With great power comes great responsibility,” but with freedom of choice there is a responsibility to be aware of how any given option or choice can impact you personally.  For example, if you are unhappy with your job and want to explore other avenues, check out what’s out there without making any hasty decisions you may regret later, like quitting unexpectedly to try your hand at something you have no experience with.  Engage in informational interviews, read a book on other professions, seek out opportunities on the Internet to volunteer or network with other people in other industries.  Exploring your options in a way that’s sensible will not only help you know what path you may or may not want to pursue, but it will also build your confidence for when you are ready to make that jump.  It won’t always work out the way you hope it to be every time you try and explore something new, but at least you can use those experiences to learn from and make you stronger for when you are ready to choose what you know is the right decision for you.

It may seem paradoxical to think that the plethora of choices and options that many Quarterlifers have these days can feel paralyzing, but that freedom of choice is often accompanied by a sense of pressure that we sometimes unnecessarily place on ourselves that leads us to second guess how beneficial each decision we make is to us individually and to those around us.  Ultimately, no one else can ever give you an accurate prediction or honest answer as to how any given choice will make your life better or worse, but what you can do for yourself is give yourself the permission and the freedom to explore every option that you have the ability to at any given moment.  There are surprises around every corner, but until you go searching for them they may always remain hidden and waiting to be found.  If you take the time to explore your world and all of the options and choices around you, with your heart and intuition as your guide, then you may find that one of those surprises around the corner might be what you’ve been searching for all along.

Rule #21: Change is Always Possible

If you’re a twentysomething that has been fortunate enough to attend college, there’s a good chance that you may have changed your field of study or major when you were a student. Maybe you realized that your initial chosen major was too difficult, not suited to your strengths or interests, too boring or you just realized it wasn’t what you wanted to do for the rest of your life. And if you didn’t happen to change, you might be someone who might have wished they had when they had the chance.  Since it’s common for people to change majors so frequently in college these days, it’s not surprising that many of today’s twentysomethings enter the workforce, in or out of their studied profession, realize that their career path is not quite what they expected, and are looking for a change.  For any number of reasons, your career path (like your first unsuccessful major) might not be suited to who you are and where you want to be.  However, as you enter life after college and assume a number of new responsibilities, change isn’t as easy as going to a college advisor and filling out a form.  The good news is that as a relatively early life stage, Quarterlife is a great time to not only find how to guide the direction of your own path but also to make changes and take the risks that, although never easy, can be potentially life changing in abundantly positive ways.

Quarterlifers yearn for responsibility and freedom, but with that can also come the misguided belief that their life choices that are made in their twenties are hard-set and limit the ability to take chances that will affect whatever progress has already been made in your adult life.  From various pressures coming from societal norms, familial expectations, increased professional responsibilities and other sources, twentysomethings tend to feel that they have to grow up faster than they may feel ready to, and accept the responsibilities of adulthood before exploring other life options.  This leads to attitudes that it might be too late to start a new venture, get a degree or that we should be concerned about other things like starting a family, saving more money or looking for a permanent job or career.  Although these are important considerations to factor into future plans, it is just as important to reflect on how these attitudes might be holding you back from taking a chance now that you might not be able to take 5, 10 or 15 years from now when you most likely will have commitments and responsibilities that carry greater weight in your life.

When deciding what you can change in your life and how to change it, what you ultimately need is a good mix of patience, determination, strong will and courage.  Approaching change in your life means taking an inventory of what you can and cannot change at any given moment and taking those small, initial steps to get you moving on the right path.  This can be done no matter what change you want to enact in your life.  Whether it’s a major decision like pursuing a new career path, or a minor one like trying to live a healthier lifestyle; all change requires taking that first step, and slowly building the momentum to bring about the true lasting change you desire.  If you want a new career, set up a time to talk with someone who works in that field or call your college alumni office to see if there are any connections you can make.  If you want to be healthier and exercise more, take a 20 minute walk during your lunch break at work.  No matter what your circumstances are, there is never any excuse to not take that first step.  Change never comes easy, but as a Quarterlifer you are at a uniquely fortunate time of life where almost nothing is certain and just about anything that you want to achieve is in your control.  It just means having the courage to approach it with your whole heart leading you.

During our Quarterlife years, there is often a yearning to challenge oneself to explore and push as many boundaries that exist and find our deepest fulfillments and dreams.  Life, however, doesn’t always provide us with the circumstances that will allow us to pursue all of those dreams at the moment we want them.  Twentysomething life is a true balancing act between gaining your footing towards adulthood while not letting your heart get lost along the way.  No matter where you find yourself in life there will always be responsibilities to yourself and to others, which can become easy excuses not to change the circumstances that are completely in your control.  Change is always possible, and while you don’t have to drop everything to climb the highest mountain in front of you, there are no steps too big or too small that you can’t take right now that will lead you on the path to lasting fulfillment.