Rule #2: Follow The Golden Rule

As kids, our parents and teachers always told us to “treat others as you would like to be treated.”  In elementary school, and through high school and college it was easy at many times to forget and ignore this rule as we tried our best to fit in to our surroundings, but as we grow into our twenties it becomes a key aspect of our social success.  Especially as you enter into the workforce, begin to take on more responsibilities and become more of leader that is both independent and dependent on others, it’s important to know that the respect and courtesy that you hope to gain from your colleagues is only what you give to them to begin with.

Most jobs that people in their twenties hold are usually less than glamorous, and tend to involve working for and under an older and more experienced boss.  Sometimes this includes doing work that makes you question the reason for all of the sweat and study for that college degree, and it can be difficult to want to give your superiors the respect that they expect to get from you as your boss (and possibly/hopefully mentor).  This is when it’s important to remember to “treat others as you would like to be treated.”  If you give your bosses the respect and dedication that you would expect, oftentimes you will receive it from them in return.  No one likes an ungrateful employee, and it’s also important to remember that you may be in their shoes one day with an eager young employee working under your guidance. 

This also goes for your co-workers, as well.  I don’t know anyone who has had a job where they get along with each and every one of their co-workers.  Some of the stories people love to share with friends are about how the jerk that works in the cubicle next to you threw you under the bus in a staff meeting.  While it can be difficult to “be the bigger person” and follow the Golden Rule when you are dealing with uncooperative co-workers, it’s really the smart path to take.  There are a couple of good reasons for this.  First of all, your superiors are (usually) smart and observant, and can see that your co-worker is probably a lazy, opportunistic jerk.  When it comes time for someone to be promoted at your office, nine times out of ten the boss will want to promote the loyal, respectful team player.  If for some reason they do promote the jerk, then you probably don’t want to work for an organization that rewards for that behavior and the promotion probably isn’t worth anyway.  The other good reason to follow the golden rule with all of your co-workers is that you never know when you’ll need their help or support.  Maybe they have a lead on a new job, or they are a good connection to someone who can get you a new job or apartment or whatever.  Even if you don’t think of that person too highly, as long as you’ve helped them out in the past, or treated them with kindness and integrity, they will be more willing to lend you a helping hand.

When you enter the years of Quarterlife you are constantly meeting new people everywhere you go.  At work, at parties, in your apartment building, even out on the street.  If you set an example of respect, dedication, integrity and trust towards your boss, co-workers, friends, neighbors and loved ones it would be extremely difficult for them find a reason to treat you any differently.  As the saying goes, “What goes around, comes around,” so with every new person you meet, remember the Golden Rule because you never know when you might need to call upon them for help in the future.  You’ll not only set a good example for others around you, but you’ll also feel good about yourself.  It may not always be easy to treat everyone with as much kindness and respect as you would expect for yourself, but if you stick to this rule than you will be guaranteed to reward yourself above others.

Rule #1: Forget Your Fears

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the acknowlegement that something is more important that fear”- Abrose Redmoon

When you think about what you hope and dream to be and do with your life, but can’t fully bring yourself to do it, the excuse always starts with “But I’m afraid if….”  That sentence always ends with something that can be overcome, but it all starts with acknowledging and facing that fear.

Our twenties are a decade filled with new responsibilities, challenges and life experiences that are filled with unknown possibilities.  Whereas in our teens and through college we experience the same feeling of the unknown, it often comes with a sense of enthusiasm and eagerness.  Once we move past that into a new period of maturity and into our twenties, we suddenly become more cautious about that newfound independence.  New aspects of reality set in (paying bills, getting a job, finding an apartment, meeting new friends), and with that new reality comes an even greater fear of the unknown.

Out of any emotion, fear is the most powerful one that tends to most easily and frequently cut off a path to success and happiness.  It’s a common human fact that we all experience fear about SOMETHING- even in the midst of our Twenties when we’re a lot more naïve, ambitious and eager to take chances.  Weather it’s leaving college, finding or changing a job, moving to a new city, leaving behind (or leaving for good) friends, family or a significant other, or anything else that keeps you in a place that hinders you from taking a chance to pursue what feel in your heart, the feeling of fear is something we all feel to some degree, but it takes courage and effort to overcome.

Fear is a common enemy to personal growth, progress and achievement, but the upside is that it can also become your greatest ally- especially in your twenties!  No matter what point in your life you may be at, you will always fear the unknown.  A lot of times we tell ourselves that it’s easier to just stick with what’s familiar rather than take a chance that might lead to something we will later come to regret.  The truth is, every decision you make might lead to that outcome, however, it’s also important to remember that the chances we take could also lead to a significant and fulfilling reward as well.

Life in your twenties will be filled with missteps, mistakes and bad choices no matter how cautious or courageous you are.  With that in mind, wouldn’t it be better at this time in life to take the road less traveled and follow your heart, instead of asking yourself “What If…?” later on in life?  When you face a choice and you’re experiencing fear, it’s important to look at both sides of the situation.  You can choose to not follow your heart and what truly matters to you and think about what might have been, or you can take a risk and see where it leads you.  The question you need to ask yourself is “If I face my fear and succeed, won’t that be better than not facing it at all?”

Take a moment and think about one decision you might be facing in your life right now.  When you think about that decision, look at both alternatives.  For example, let’s say you’re thinking about leaving a job you’re unhappy at and thinking about going back to school for further education, but are hesitant.  Now think about both sides to that decision: You can stay at your job that probably provides a steady paycheck and might eventually lead to a promotion, yet still have that feeling of being unfulfilled with your life choice.  OR you can take a chance to pursue the degree you’ve always dreamed of that might lead to you living a happier and fulfilling life.  When you’re doing something you’re happy doing, you’re more likely to get that steady paycheck and even more than you hoped for!

Acknowledging your fears and facing them regardless of the circumstances takes courage, but it should become a regular habit for every twentysomething.  It takes time, but once you do get in the habit of it, you’ll be able to use fear as an ally.  Then you’ll be able to know that if you are hesitant to do something and there is a big “but….” In the way that maybe it’s the right thing to pursue, or at least attempt.  Just remember that in your twenties you have too many years of the unknown ahead, and as each one passes they might become years of “what might have been.”  So today, take a chance on something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time so that “what might have been” doesn’t exist.  Acknowledge that something is more important than that fear and have the courage to pursue it!

Welcome To The Quarterlife Rules

If you ask any person currently in their twenties how their life is now compared to what they pictured it would be like 5 years ago, you’d pretty much get a different variation of the same answer from every person asked- “It’s not what I expected.”  For all the different names of this time of life (Twentysomething, Emerging Adulthood, Quarterlife), it should pretty much be called the “It’s not what I expected” decade. If you ask a student who’s about ready to leave college where they see themselves a few years after they graduate, they’ll give you a set of expectations, usually pretty specific ones with an age range attached to them.  “I expect to be married by 26,” “I expect to be a junior executive making a six-figure salary by 28,” “I expect to have a PhD by 30,” and so on.  Every individual has different expectations but for just about everyone, things change.  Oftentimes life gets in the way, throws us a curveball and tends to turn those expectations askew. For most people in their twenties, it’s the first time experiencing true independence and often this new freedom comes with a lot of unexpected (sometimes rewarding, and sometimes painful) individual change. When change does come, it can lead to a lot of confusion, disappointment and questioning about where life is headed in the long term.    One important message that isn’t really communicated to people in their twenties these days is that this is all a normal and healthy part of life.  Experiencing this change is all just about forming yourself as an individual and making yourself the person YOU want to be, rather than the person other people want you to be.  In work life, home life or love life it’s important to find what matters most to you and can bring you to a happy, fulfilling and complete life.

After surviving my own tulmultuous initial post-college years (and still winding my way down the path of twentysomething life), I decided to reach out to my fellow Quarterlifers, and hopefully provide some guidelines and advice that I hope will help anyone in their twenties, at any stage, to find the direction they’re looking for in their lives.  The goal of this blog is to provide some “rules” to getting the most out of life in your twenties that have come from experiences of friends, family, people who have successfully navigated their own Quarterlives, and even my own experiences.  With an open mind and open heart, living life in your twenties can be proven to be the best time in your life.  Hopefully when you look back on this emotional, adventurous, frightening, enlightening, challenging and wonderful time in your life, you’ll realize that it’s made you into the person you hope to be for the rest of your life.