Rule #5: Say "Yes" More Often

 There are many times when we find ourselves in situations where we might get an offer to go somewhere, do something, take something, give something, meet someone or try something new.  Many of these times, if it’s something out of our comfort zone, it’s easier to say “No” than it is to say “Yes.”  Maybe you don’t feel like driving an extra 20 minutes to go to a party with your new coworkers, maybe you aren’t particularly interested about one aspect of a potential job so you don’t go out for it, maybe at first glance you’re not interested to go on a date with the guy or girl who just asked you out, maybe you aren’t up for taking that last minute road trip with your friends for various reasons.  In some of these instances we may have valid reasons to say no, but if you look back on some of the occasions when you turned down one of these offers, it was probably for trivial reasons.  And that’s exactly what those excuses are- trivial.  Maybe you were feeling a bit lazy, tired or were in a bad mood at the time. 

In our twenties, when we have the luxury of freedom from great responsibilities, it doesn’t hurt to say “Yes” more often.  The more opportunities you pursue when you’re in your twenties, the more sure of yourself you will become.  Let’s say you decide to go out for that job that you might not be so passionate about at first glance.  The best case scenario is that it turns out to be a much better opportunity than you expected and might be something that you could be passionate about.  Worst case scenario is that it turns out to be what you expected, you don’t decide to pursue it any further.  At least now you have the advantage of having more job search experience and you know more about what you DON’T want in a job.  Either way, you gained something valuable from the experience! 

Saying yes to as many opportunities as possible is a valuable rule to follow while you’re in your twenties because the more open minded you are when you have the freedom to explore new experiences, the more informed you will become about yourself and the world around you.  Not every opportunity you say “Yes” to will be a great experience, but sometimes our mistakes are our best teachers as long as we are smart enough to learn from them. 

So next time, drive the extra 20 minutes to that party, go on that date or that job interview and take the last minute road trip with your friends.  It might be the best experience of your life, or if it’s not a great experience it might become a funny story to look back on in the future.  Throw out the trivial excuses and learn to be more open to every opportunity that comes your way.  Make it a rule to say “Yes” to as many opportunities as possible.

Rule #4: Give Back

While our generation certainly has had its challenges and tragedies (especially within the last decade), for the most part current twentysomethings have not had to deal with a lot of the challenges that faced former generations.  One of the encouraging things about the current generation of Quarterlifers is that we have learned not to take our blessings for granted, and have wanted to make a positive difference in our society rather than commit mistakes that may lead to other challenges in the future.

With the economy faltering in the past few years, most people in their twenties are starting to discover that there are more important things in life to value than just money and material goods, which this current economic crisis has taught us can disappear in an instant.  Twentysomethings these days are looking for more meaning in their work and what they do rather than just earn a paycheck.  It’s not always possible to find a perfect career that brings both complete monetary and moral fulfillment, but one great way to gain a bit of that personal satisfaction is to find ways to serve and give back to your community.

Volunteering brings many personal rewards and benefits, and there is no shortage of opportunities awaiting you in your community.  All it takes is a little exploration and dedication. You can always find simple ways to help those around you and feel a lot better about yourself as well.  Here are some of the advantages to dedicating a little bit of free time to help out in your community:

- It’s a great way to find, discover and develop new interests and strengths.  If you’ve always though about possibly teaching or working with children, there are tons of mentoring opportunities.  If you enjoy playing a particular sport, like basketball, there are probably some community leagues where you can coach some kids in need.  If you want to support the environment or the poor, there are tons of organizations for those causes.  For any mild interest you may have, volunteering is a great way to explore it.  Who knows, it may lead to a new path or career!

- It’s a great way to meet people outside of work and expand your social circle.  Sometimes it can be difficult to find other social outlets to meet new people besides local bars or a friends’ house or apartment.  Volunteering provides a great social outlet to meet all sorts of new friends and even do some networking.  Most other people who are volunteering with an organization are there to have some fun as well, and you might find someone who can turn you on to a new interest or job or even someone to ask out on a date!

-It’s a great way to develop and exhibit your strengths and skills at work.  These days, employers are looking for people who have other diverse interests and are involved in their communities.  So at the very least, showing that you volunteer with an organization will look good on a resume.  While most companies have volunteer programs or groups as part of the company, if you find they don’t, start one!  It will show leadership skills and initiative, which are two extremely important aspects that employers want to see in their current and perspective employees.

-It can expand your worldview.  Getting out into your community can open your eyes to a whole different side of the world that you probably weren’t aware of.  It will often bring to light many aspects of life for those less fortunate that we often don’t get to see in our own private lives.  It will also make you grateful for the things that you are fortunate to have in your life that you take for granted. Volunteering doesn’t have to be a big commitment, and can take as little of your time as one hour a week.  But if you are a bit more ambitious or adventurous, look into one of the more involved volunteering organizations (like The Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, or WorldTeach) where you have the ability to travel abroad or around the country.  It’s never too late to get out and explore the world, and make a difference while you’re at it.

-It’s fun and makes you feel good about yourself!  It’s not always easy to give up a little bit of time after a long day of work or on a weekend when you just want to rest and relax, but if you find an organization that matches with your interests and personality, the rewards will make up for the sacrifice many times over.  If you put yourself in the shoes of the people who you are helping, you’ll appreciate the gratitude they feel for you giving your support to make their lives a bit easier.  That is always a fun and an incredibly fulfilling feeling!

Start to explore the many ways that you can help get involved in your community.  Most organizations have informational sessions where you can go and get information, ask questions and satisfy your curiosity with no pressure to join.  Attend a few info sessions, or even start working for a short time with one or two organizations.  If it’s not something you’re particularly enjoying, then move on.  Organizations only want volunteers who are dedicated, and will appreciate any time you donate, even if it’s not for the long term.  The important thing is finding an organization you feel comfortable with and can get what you are looking for from it, too.  Giving back to your community might not be one of the most necessary rules to live by in your twenties, but it is certainly one of the most rewarding.

Rule #3: Find Your Values and Stick To Them

Values are the ideals, principles and standards that are most important to us as individuals.  Some examples of values include honesty, freedom, love, integrity, health, and many many others.  Everyone has a long list of values, and each person has a set of unique values that define them.  Most of the time, we don’t consciously think about our individual values or stop to really think about what our most important values are.  The trouble that many twentysomethings face in our society these days is that we tend to think that we need to surround ourselves with people, work and things that will define who we are and what we value.  However, the truth that is rarely acknowledged is that it should be the other way around.  It should be your values and how you define yourself that determines who and what you surround yourself with to bring you personal fulfillment. 

Defining your values is an important aspect to life in your twenties because it’s basically a way to set your own rules in all aspects of your life.  Take work for example.  Defining your values isn’t just important in just determining the right job for you, but also the right career path.  A lot of times we don’t choose our jobs or careers based on our values, but based on many other factors like money, parental pressure, prestige, or college major, to name a few examples.  The problem is that unless you value any of these things, you most likely won’t be happy with your job or career choice.  If you choose a career based on your values, all of the other factors like money, prestige and most importantly happiness, will follow.  While it may be difficult to withstand pressure from outside forces, only you yourself can decide what you value and what will make you happy in your chosen profession.

Values are also important when choosing relationships.  When it comes to finding relationships based on your values, it’s to your benefit to surround yourself with people who complement and encourage your individual values.  If you find yourself in a relationship with someone with conflicting values, it’s likely you’ll often clash with that person.  For example, if you value honesty more than anything in a relationship, but your partner feels that boundaries and privacy are more important than honesty, then it’s likely that those values of boundaries and honesty will come into conflict, and will probably cause trouble at some point.  Just because one person holds a particular set of values doesn’t mean that you will have the same ones.  When it comes to values, everyone is an individual.  If you surround yourself with people who can support and complement your own values, you’re more than likely to have a long lasting and successful relationship with that person as well as further develop your own individuality.

Really examining and defining your values is a foreign and difficult task when you are in your twenties because there haven’t been many times in your life when you’ve really thought about what’s important and defines you, and what you want to define you for the rest of your life.  Also, as your lifestyle undergoes dramatic changes, so will your values.  Maybe in college you valued having an active social life above all else, or maybe you valued the freedom of setting your own schedule and having a lot of free time.  But now, with a job, an apartment of your own, more work hours or study hours, it’s more likely that your values have changed.  You probably value more privacy, having a bit more structure and enjoying the more limited free time you have as much as possible.

Finding out what you value most is really quite simple, but does take some honest and dedicated reflection.  One way to define your values is to take a look at various aspects of your life (work, relationships, social life, etc) and ask yourself what is most important to you about those aspects.  Think about what a perfect job or relationship or living space means to you, or what you would need to be truly happy in any area of your life.  Another good way to find your values are to find out what you DON’T like or won’t tolerate about the different aspects of your life, and think about the opposite.  Those opposite feelings are usually the values you have.  For example, if you hate it when people are dishonest, it means that you value honesty.  If you hate being bored, it means one of your core values is having variety and adventure in your life.

As you learn more about yourself, you’ll learn more about what your true values are and what personally makes you happy.  What’s important to remember as this happens is that you should keep your values in mind as you form them, so that when it comes time to make an important decision then you will continually ask yourself what choice will adhere to what you value most.  As with most things about twentysomething life, values will change as your life constantly will, but if you can start to find your values and stick with them, then you will have a pretty accurate compass that will help guide you down a happy and successful path.

Rule #2: Follow The Golden Rule

As kids, our parents and teachers always told us to “treat others as you would like to be treated.”  In elementary school, and through high school and college it was easy at many times to forget and ignore this rule as we tried our best to fit in to our surroundings, but as we grow into our twenties it becomes a key aspect of our social success.  Especially as you enter into the workforce, begin to take on more responsibilities and become more of leader that is both independent and dependent on others, it’s important to know that the respect and courtesy that you hope to gain from your colleagues is only what you give to them to begin with.

Most jobs that people in their twenties hold are usually less than glamorous, and tend to involve working for and under an older and more experienced boss.  Sometimes this includes doing work that makes you question the reason for all of the sweat and study for that college degree, and it can be difficult to want to give your superiors the respect that they expect to get from you as your boss (and possibly/hopefully mentor).  This is when it’s important to remember to “treat others as you would like to be treated.”  If you give your bosses the respect and dedication that you would expect, oftentimes you will receive it from them in return.  No one likes an ungrateful employee, and it’s also important to remember that you may be in their shoes one day with an eager young employee working under your guidance. 

This also goes for your co-workers, as well.  I don’t know anyone who has had a job where they get along with each and every one of their co-workers.  Some of the stories people love to share with friends are about how the jerk that works in the cubicle next to you threw you under the bus in a staff meeting.  While it can be difficult to “be the bigger person” and follow the Golden Rule when you are dealing with uncooperative co-workers, it’s really the smart path to take.  There are a couple of good reasons for this.  First of all, your superiors are (usually) smart and observant, and can see that your co-worker is probably a lazy, opportunistic jerk.  When it comes time for someone to be promoted at your office, nine times out of ten the boss will want to promote the loyal, respectful team player.  If for some reason they do promote the jerk, then you probably don’t want to work for an organization that rewards for that behavior and the promotion probably isn’t worth anyway.  The other good reason to follow the golden rule with all of your co-workers is that you never know when you’ll need their help or support.  Maybe they have a lead on a new job, or they are a good connection to someone who can get you a new job or apartment or whatever.  Even if you don’t think of that person too highly, as long as you’ve helped them out in the past, or treated them with kindness and integrity, they will be more willing to lend you a helping hand.

When you enter the years of Quarterlife you are constantly meeting new people everywhere you go.  At work, at parties, in your apartment building, even out on the street.  If you set an example of respect, dedication, integrity and trust towards your boss, co-workers, friends, neighbors and loved ones it would be extremely difficult for them find a reason to treat you any differently.  As the saying goes, “What goes around, comes around,” so with every new person you meet, remember the Golden Rule because you never know when you might need to call upon them for help in the future.  You’ll not only set a good example for others around you, but you’ll also feel good about yourself.  It may not always be easy to treat everyone with as much kindness and respect as you would expect for yourself, but if you stick to this rule than you will be guaranteed to reward yourself above others.

Rule #1: Forget Your Fears

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the acknowlegement that something is more important that fear”- Abrose Redmoon

When you think about what you hope and dream to be and do with your life, but can’t fully bring yourself to do it, the excuse always starts with “But I’m afraid if….”  That sentence always ends with something that can be overcome, but it all starts with acknowledging and facing that fear.

Our twenties are a decade filled with new responsibilities, challenges and life experiences that are filled with unknown possibilities.  Whereas in our teens and through college we experience the same feeling of the unknown, it often comes with a sense of enthusiasm and eagerness.  Once we move past that into a new period of maturity and into our twenties, we suddenly become more cautious about that newfound independence.  New aspects of reality set in (paying bills, getting a job, finding an apartment, meeting new friends), and with that new reality comes an even greater fear of the unknown.

Out of any emotion, fear is the most powerful one that tends to most easily and frequently cut off a path to success and happiness.  It’s a common human fact that we all experience fear about SOMETHING- even in the midst of our Twenties when we’re a lot more naïve, ambitious and eager to take chances.  Weather it’s leaving college, finding or changing a job, moving to a new city, leaving behind (or leaving for good) friends, family or a significant other, or anything else that keeps you in a place that hinders you from taking a chance to pursue what feel in your heart, the feeling of fear is something we all feel to some degree, but it takes courage and effort to overcome.

Fear is a common enemy to personal growth, progress and achievement, but the upside is that it can also become your greatest ally- especially in your twenties!  No matter what point in your life you may be at, you will always fear the unknown.  A lot of times we tell ourselves that it’s easier to just stick with what’s familiar rather than take a chance that might lead to something we will later come to regret.  The truth is, every decision you make might lead to that outcome, however, it’s also important to remember that the chances we take could also lead to a significant and fulfilling reward as well.

Life in your twenties will be filled with missteps, mistakes and bad choices no matter how cautious or courageous you are.  With that in mind, wouldn’t it be better at this time in life to take the road less traveled and follow your heart, instead of asking yourself “What If…?” later on in life?  When you face a choice and you’re experiencing fear, it’s important to look at both sides of the situation.  You can choose to not follow your heart and what truly matters to you and think about what might have been, or you can take a risk and see where it leads you.  The question you need to ask yourself is “If I face my fear and succeed, won’t that be better than not facing it at all?”

Take a moment and think about one decision you might be facing in your life right now.  When you think about that decision, look at both alternatives.  For example, let’s say you’re thinking about leaving a job you’re unhappy at and thinking about going back to school for further education, but are hesitant.  Now think about both sides to that decision: You can stay at your job that probably provides a steady paycheck and might eventually lead to a promotion, yet still have that feeling of being unfulfilled with your life choice.  OR you can take a chance to pursue the degree you’ve always dreamed of that might lead to you living a happier and fulfilling life.  When you’re doing something you’re happy doing, you’re more likely to get that steady paycheck and even more than you hoped for!

Acknowledging your fears and facing them regardless of the circumstances takes courage, but it should become a regular habit for every twentysomething.  It takes time, but once you do get in the habit of it, you’ll be able to use fear as an ally.  Then you’ll be able to know that if you are hesitant to do something and there is a big “but….” In the way that maybe it’s the right thing to pursue, or at least attempt.  Just remember that in your twenties you have too many years of the unknown ahead, and as each one passes they might become years of “what might have been.”  So today, take a chance on something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time so that “what might have been” doesn’t exist.  Acknowledge that something is more important than that fear and have the courage to pursue it!

Welcome To The Quarterlife Rules

If you ask any person currently in their twenties how their life is now compared to what they pictured it would be like 5 years ago, you’d pretty much get a different variation of the same answer from every person asked- “It’s not what I expected.”  For all the different names of this time of life (Twentysomething, Emerging Adulthood, Quarterlife), it should pretty much be called the “It’s not what I expected” decade. If you ask a student who’s about ready to leave college where they see themselves a few years after they graduate, they’ll give you a set of expectations, usually pretty specific ones with an age range attached to them.  “I expect to be married by 26,” “I expect to be a junior executive making a six-figure salary by 28,” “I expect to have a PhD by 30,” and so on.  Every individual has different expectations but for just about everyone, things change.  Oftentimes life gets in the way, throws us a curveball and tends to turn those expectations askew. For most people in their twenties, it’s the first time experiencing true independence and often this new freedom comes with a lot of unexpected (sometimes rewarding, and sometimes painful) individual change. When change does come, it can lead to a lot of confusion, disappointment and questioning about where life is headed in the long term.    One important message that isn’t really communicated to people in their twenties these days is that this is all a normal and healthy part of life.  Experiencing this change is all just about forming yourself as an individual and making yourself the person YOU want to be, rather than the person other people want you to be.  In work life, home life or love life it’s important to find what matters most to you and can bring you to a happy, fulfilling and complete life.

After surviving my own tulmultuous initial post-college years (and still winding my way down the path of twentysomething life), I decided to reach out to my fellow Quarterlifers, and hopefully provide some guidelines and advice that I hope will help anyone in their twenties, at any stage, to find the direction they’re looking for in their lives.  The goal of this blog is to provide some “rules” to getting the most out of life in your twenties that have come from experiences of friends, family, people who have successfully navigated their own Quarterlives, and even my own experiences.  With an open mind and open heart, living life in your twenties can be proven to be the best time in your life.  Hopefully when you look back on this emotional, adventurous, frightening, enlightening, challenging and wonderful time in your life, you’ll realize that it’s made you into the person you hope to be for the rest of your life.